Enneagram Type Six relationship with Enneagram Type Eight

Enneagram Type Six with Enneagram Type Eight


Why the Attraction?

  • When healthy, Sixes and Eights can make an extraordinarily complimentary Both types unconsciously expect people to be untrustworthy and life to be difficult. This defensive view of the world is strangely abonding point. Both Sixes and Eights are practical, action-oriented doers. They admire each other’s hardwork ethic, sense of honor, commitment, dependability and trustworthiness (after some initial testing of loyalty).
  • Sixes are initially attracted to Eights because they are strong, self-confident, protective, self-assertive, honest and Eights like to take charge and protect their loved ones which suits phobic Sixes to a tee. They’re looking for someone strong to help them feel safe and secure.
  • Eights like to empower their Six to be more courageous, bold and
  • Eights are initially attracted to Sixes because they are loyal, warm, playful and humorous yet responsible, sensitive, friendly, conscientious, devoted, affectionate and Sixes help Eights see the virtue in thinking things through before rushing in and taking action. Eights highly value Six’s thoughtful advice and opinions. Sixes also help Eights see the subtleties and potential problems in their ideas.
  • This is often a solid, enduring relationship where love is expressed more through action and service than through mushy, gushy sentimentality or


Some Shared Positive Traits

  • Can be unquestioningly loyal and supportive of each other once they have developed trust in each other
  • Have a mutual commitment to worthy causes/underdogs
  • Want to make the world a safer, more stable and secure place
  • Are protective of their family, friends and loved ones
  • Are trustworthy and honorable (are people of their word)
  • Are responsible, conscientious and hard working
  • Are dependable and steadfast
  • Are action-oriented doers who get a lot accomplished
  • Offer each other true friendship
  • Can be courageous


Some Shared Negative Traits

  • Have a defensive view of the They see it as an unfriendly, unpredictable, untrustworthy place
  • Expect adversity in life
  • Can be skeptical of others
  • Can have major mistrust and betrayal fears to overcome
  • Can be contrary and oppositional
  • Can be controlling and suspicious
  • Can challenge each other
  • Can be reactionary


Differing Traits (and Potential Sources of Frustration or Balance)

  • Self-doubting (Sixes) Self-assured (Eights)
  • Approachable, Friendly (Sixes) Intimidating, Aloof (Eights)
  • Indecisive, Fearful (Phobic Sixes) Decisive, Fearless (Eights)
  • Fear being weak/helpless (Sixes) Deny being weak (Eights)
  • Procrastinate (Phobic Sixes) Hasty/Impulsive (Eights)
  • Overly sensitive (Phobic Sixes) Overly insensitive (Eights)
  • Like to be protected (Phobic Sixes) Like to protect (Eights)
  • Unaggressive (Phobic Sixes) Aggressive (Eights)
  • Defer to authority (Phobic Sixes) Authoritative (Eights)
  • Defy authority (Counterphobic Sixes) Authoritative (Eights)
  • Mental, Question (Sixes) Instinctive, Act (Eights)
  • Seek affiliation (Sixes) Seek independence (Eights)


Potential Problems

  • Sixes can see Eights as too: bossy, aggressive, intimidating, challenging, overprotective, lustful, confrontational, all-or-nothing, in denial of their own vulnerability, foolhardy about danger, threatening and all-or-nothing
  • Eights can see phobic Sixes as too: self-doubting, contrary, indecisive, spineless, accusatory, procrastinating, fearful of negative/worst case scenarios and
  • Eights can see counterphobic Sixes as behaving much like themselves: challenging, defiant, aggressive, rebellious, and
  • Eights don’t have much patience for Six’s fears and doubts and often trivialize If Eights become toobossy, controlling and intimidating Sixes will counterattack to prove that they’re not weak or dependent onthe Eight. Eights may actually enjoy this because it gets the juices flowing. However, if they feel threatenedenough by a strong counterattack, angry confrontations and power struggles can ensue (especially withcounterphobic Sixes).
  • The situation with phobic Sixes is somewhat Phobic Sixes are more timid, coy and outwardly fearful than counterphobic Sixes. Phobic Sixes may occasionally assert their will but, in general, they are far more likely to be evasive or passive-aggressive toward the Eight to avoid a confrontation. Eights despise weakness in anyone but especially their partner so Eights in relationship with phobic Sixes can be disdainful and disrespectful, if not bullying.



For Sixes

  • (Phobic) While Eights appreciate loyalty they don’t respect weakness in a Be more self-assertive anddirect. Paradoxically, Eights feel safer with a loyal but strong mate.
  • (Counterphobic) You will probably go through some battles of will but once you trust each other and know where each other stand you will support each other


For Eights

  • Sixes are fearful and your intimidation only makes them more Sixes can’t commit until they feel safeand you don’t like to let your guard down until you feel your partner is committed. Someone is going to haveto give here. Why not empower your Six rather than overpower him or her?