Enneagram Type Five relationship with Enneagram Type Five

Enneagram Type Five with Enneagram Type Five


Why the Attraction?

  • As with all double type combinations, Fives sense a deep rapport with each Enjoying silence, they can communicate as much non-verbally as they do verbally. Fives appreciate each other’s strong intellect and enjoy stimulating conversations. Fives say they feel very relaxed and comfortable around each other because they contain their emotions, don’t make demands of each other, give each other space, don’t invade each other’s privacy and don’t have too many (if any) expectations of each other. Fives say they like short periods of intense contact (by the way, Fives can be very sexual) and interaction followed by time alone to do their own thing and recharge their batteries.
  • Fives appreciate each others enjoyment of simplicity in They both like to be comfortable. Neither is driven by money and usually live well within their means. Fives can become quite attached to each other once they feel safe in the relationship and especially if their feelings have been aroused and emotions engaged. If both Fives have a strong Six wing they may want to start a family. If both Fives have a strong Four wing they may be content to enjoy each other.
  • See the next slide, “Some Shared Positive Traits” for other


Some Shared Positive Traits

  • Are insightful, perceptive and open-minded
  • Are analytical, logical and abstract in their thinking
  • Are steady, trustworthy, responsible and persevering
  • Are well-informed yet always curious to learn more
  • Are intellectually stimulating company for each other
  • Are independent and self-reliant; they give each other a lot of space in the relationship
  • Are pensive, imaginative and innovative
  • Can be visionary
  • Are peaceful and quiet (unless there’s a subject that piques their Then they can be talkative)
  • Are objective, dispassionate and fact-oriented
  • Enjoy a good intellectual debate once in a while
  • Are ethical and respectful of people
  • Are unintrusive and undemanding of each other
  • Have a live-and-let-live attitude
  • Are sensitive to each other’s need for privacy (and other people’s too)
  • Are considerate, courteous and have good boundaries


Some Shared Negative Traits

  • Can be withdrawn, inaccessible or overly private
  • Can ignore each other or withhold about themselves
  • Can compartmentalize their life together
  • Can be too detached from their feelings
  • Can be contentious, suspicious, argumentative or critical
  • Can over-intellectualize or over-analyze each other
  • Can be emotionally unavailable, remote, aloof and distant
  • Can be intellectually arrogant or snobbish
  • Can be negative, cynical, skeptical, sarcastic or stubborn
  • Can be stingy with their time, energy and personal space
  • Can be reclusive; cut off from themselves and the world
  • Can be unassertive and lack initiative


Potential Problems

  • The major problems for Fives are: (One) feeling ignored, (Two) feelings of emotional emptiness/loneliness from too little time spent together, (Three) caustic bickering and arguing and (Four) censoring or withholding information from each
  • Fives are inherently detached from their It is much easier (and safer) to approach each other from apurely intellectual point of view rather than to fully allow their feelings to be aroused. When feelings are stirred it’s much more difficult to be emotionally detached (and thus more vulnerable). Relating can bedifficult between Fives because they often wonder if the emotional pain is worth the bother. They are quitecomfortable being alone. They can easily ignore or deprive each other of contact when they don’t feel likerelating. Fives value privacy but when does it cross the line into secrecy and withheld information that erodes intimacy? Respect for each other’s boundaries can turn into compartmentalized living where each lives in a separate part of the house or they just get together at regularly scheduled times.
  • Fives can see each other as too: emotionally remote, distant and inaccessible, private, overprotective of their time, frugal with their Fives dislike having strong feelings but they dislike emotional emptiness evenmore. That’s why they enter relationships. But Fives can have trouble staying present when strong feelingsarise. They feel a strong urge to pull back and withdraw.



For Fives

  • No doubt you got into a relationship in the first place to fill a void in your To create more intimacy ratherthan just intellectual rapport try not to ignore each other’s needs and feelings. It’s easy for both of you to doyour own thing but focusing on what your partner needs can be new territory. Take some initiative rather thanwaiting for your Five partner to call you. If a relationship is truly what you want then create the time andspace for true feelings to arise and deepen your bond through shared emotional experiences and not just  shared intellectual experiences.