Enneagram Type Four with Enneagram Type Seven
Why the Attraction?
- This is a common pairing but one based on intrigue and fascination with one another because Fours and Sevens are definitely a case of opposites
- Fours are initially attracted to Sevens because they’re vivacious, adventurous, curious, self-confident, positive, playful and Fours love being around Sevens because they’re so lively, energetic, up beat and fun. Fours crave excitement and intensity and Sevens provide that. Sevens also get Fours going on all kinds of adventures with them which Fours find thrilling and don’t allow the Four to get moody because they’re too busy having a blast. Sevens are playful and spark Four’s lighthearted side. Like Fours, Sevens also enjoy the good life – fine wine, chic clothes, world travel, the finest entertainment. Through action and conversation, Sevens pull Fours out of their self-absorption and help them feel alive, which Fours love.
- Sevens are initially attracted to Fours because they have deep, complex, fascinating minds and are nonconforming just like Sevens also appreciate Four’s idealism, romanticism, passion and creativity.Like Fours, Sevens are idealistic and want to contribute something meaningful to the world. They could work together toward a common goal or will at least support each other’s idealistic visions. Fours help Sevens explore their inner world while Sevens help Fours explore the outer world. Fours help Sevens connect more deeply with their emotions and Sevens help Fours overcome their shyness and learn more about the world.
Some Shared Positive Traits
- Want life to be full of extraordinary experiences
- Want life to be intense, exciting and stimulating
- Are attracted to the avant-garde and people who are unusual, unique or “interesting”
- Have fantastic imaginations; see themselves as special
- Are idealistic and have a passion for possibilities
- Are insatiably curious, intense, sensual and passionate
- Love conversing and sparking each other’s imagination
- Can be playful, funny and quick-witted with a whimsical sense of humor
- Can be ribald and bawdy yet sophisticated and classy too
- Follow their own inspirations and ideals
- Like the finer things of life
Some Shared Negative Traits
- Can be dissatisfied with what they’re experiencing in life
- Reject the mundane and want to live an exhilarating life
- Tend to fantasize about potential romantic partners until they get them, then get bored
- Can be elitist and narcissistic; want it all and want it all now!
- May not apply their talents in a practical, productive way
- Can’t stand to be limited or frustrated by life or anyone
- Can be self-indulgent, unrestrained and childish
- Can be self-absorbed, self-involved and self-serving
- Can be irreverent, disdainful of authority and fickle
- Can be demanding, impulsive, impatient and overspend
- Can feel exempt from following social protocol
Differing Traits (and Potential Sources of Frustration or Balance)
- Gloomy, Dark-hearted (Fours) Sunny, Light-hearted (Sevens)
- Self-doubting, Sad (Fours) Self-confident, Happy (Sevens)
- Fluctuating feelings (Fours) Fluctuating thoughts (Sevens)
- Aware of pain in life (Fours) Aware of pleasure in life (Sevens)
- Accept suffering/pain (Fours) Avoid suffering/pain (Sevens)
- Focus on inner world (Fours) Focus on outer world (Sevens)
- Breaking ..Tend to long (Fours) vs. Tend to move on (Sevens)
- Depth of feeling (Fours) Breadth of thinking (Sevens)
- Dwell on negatives (Fours) Dwell on positives (Sevens)
- Introverted, Depressive (Fours) Outgoing, Manic (Sevens)
- The major problems in this relationship are: (One) Four’s longing for more emotional connection and (Two)Seven’s intolerance of Four’s negative emotions and
- Fours can see Sevens as too: intolerant of negative emotions, avoidant of painful or deep feelings and uninterested in dealing with difficult relationship Fours can also see Sevens as too: insensitive, offensive, superficial, self-serving, impatient, impulsive and evasive.
- Fours long for a deep emotional connection with their Seven Sevens enjoy the intensity of a heartfelt connection but in short bursts. Sevens have difficulty staying with deep emotions as long as Fours would like. Once the Four starts to be an emotional drag the Seven wants to escape.
- Fours sometimes like to talk about how they are feeling or what could be done to improve the relationshipbut Sevens get impatient with talking about feelings and relationship Sevens can see Fours as beingtoo “heavy” and limiting. Sevens like to keep life upbeat and not talk about problems. Fours can also get worn out trying to keep up with Seven’s pace.
- Sevens can see Fours as too: emotional, moody, needy for attention, negative, slow-paced (especially Fourswith a Five wing), controlling, self-absorbed, hypersensitive, impractical and withholding of affection when Sevens can feel suffocated/trapped by Four’s emotional neediness, moodiness and excessive feelings.When this happens Sevens itch to move on and find someone more upbeat.
- Sevens have many qualities you covet – optimism, sociability, self-confidence, outgoingness, a positiveoutlook on life, productivity, bundles of energy, Appreciate your Seven’s lightness and brightness anddon’t expect your Seven to want your depth of intimacy or to be as introspective and sensitive.
- Fours have many qualities you can learn from – depth, self-awareness, introspection, compassion for suffering and pain, authentic expression of feelings and emotions,
- Don’t expect your Four to be upbeat and