Enneagram Type Three with Enneagram Type Six
Why the Attraction?
- This isn’t a common coupling (to my knowledge) but shared goals and values can bring them Both are hard working, practical doers who like to achieve results in the world. They’re also team players who like working with people.
- Three is initially attracted to Six’s engaging warmth and Three is also touched by Six’s compassionate concern for the downtrodden and disadvantaged. Three likes Six’s good sense of humor and sees Six as loyal, supportive, sensible, hard working and practical – a good, solid, sincere person with wholesome family values. Threes like that Six’s are good trouble shooters who see potential pitfalls or worst case scenarios because Sixes can offer advice that the brash Three hadn’t considered yet. Three admires that Six is involved in the community and service-oriented. Threes feel loved for who they are by Sixes, not for what they achieve.
- The Six is initially attracted to Three’s self-confidence, charm, positive attitude, winning personality and ability to go after what s/he Six is initially lifted up in Three’s presence because Three sees the future as bright and full of opportunity. Three believes in Six’s potential and is very encouraging of him/her which helps to bolster the Six’s self-confidence. Three helps Six set goals and take positive, decisive action.
- This can be a healthy, durable relationship because both Threes and Sixes have all the necessary ingredients to make a relationship work – hard work ethic, sincerity, caring, responsibility, dependability, organization,
Some Shared Positive Traits
- Are hard working, active, goal-oriented and productive
- Are engaging and like to connect with other people
- Are practical and responsible
- Like to see tangible results for their efforts
- Are diplomatic and personable
- Are persevering and see their goals through
- Can be service-oriented and generous
- Are courteous and good team players
- Both look for comfort, stability, security in a relationship
- Interact cooperatively with others and value teamwork
- Value close affiliations with family and friends
- Commit to goals that serve a higher purpose
Some Shared Negative Traits
- Can be over committed workaholics
- Both try to avoid feeling anxious by staying busy
- Can be too approval-seeking and look externally for reassurance and social acceptance
- Both can have a fear of rejection and disapproval
- Both can put feelings aside to get the job done
- Both can become nervous, apprehensive and anxious
- Both can be conforming and try to find their identity and security in affiliations
- Both can be suspicious and get defensive
- Both can avoid looking at or talking about their deeper feelings
Differing Traits (and Potential Sources of Frustration or Balance)
- Strive for success (Threes) Strive for security/safety (Sixes)
- Self-confidence (Threes) Self-doubt (Sixes)
- Performance ready (Threes) Performance anxiety (Sixes)
- Unquestioning, Hasty (Threes) Questioning, Cautious (Sixes)
- “I can do it!” (Threes) “Can I do it?” (Sixes)
- Impatient with details (Threes) Patient with details (Sixes)
- Positive thinking (Threes) Negative thinking (Sixes)
- Act with daring (Threes) Act with vigilance (Sixes)
- Fear of failure (Threes) Fear of success (Sixes)
- Three can experience Six as too: mistrustful, self-doubting, pessimistic and negative, cautious, questioning, blaming, over reactive and Three is an optimistic type with great ambition and determination to make things happen – fast. Six’s over-caution, procrastination and contrary thinking can feel like obstacles toThree’s driven, go-ahead energy, which is very frustrating. If Three discounts Six’s anxieties or shrugs offSix’s fearful concerns as silly or over-exaggerated then the relationship will go downhill fast. Six’s can bevery nervous and/or over reactive when they are feeling scared which gets on Three’s nerves. Sixes areconstantly looking for reassurance from Three that the relationship is okay which Threes don’t have much patience for after a while.
- Six can experience Three as too: impatient, inconsiderate to listen, busy working, dismissive of negative thinking, opportunistic, unquestioning, boastful, self-inflated, pretentious, dishonest and Three may nottake Six’s worries, doubts and concerns seriously enough which only fuels Six’s suspicions. How does theSix know the Three isn’t cheating on him/her? Six’s anxieties are very real and Six’s are already sensitive tocriticism and put downs. Sixes like spending time with their partner but Threes can be too busy working.Sixes are not impressed by Three’s boastful claims and what seems like dishonesty. In fact, they are quite disillusioned by them.
- Your Six is not as inherently self-confident as you so don’t trivialize or dismiss your Six’s self-doubt and Really take time to listen to your Six’s feelings, fears and concerns. If you do this, and show loyalty and respect, your Six will be so committed to your success you won’t even believe it.
- Realize that Three’s aren’t necessarily superficial and dishonest when they try to impress They justnaturally try to impress people just as you naturally try to protect yourself by being suspicious of people’smotives. Try not to be so disillusioned by your Three’s boasting or name dropping. It’s just the ego’s way ofseeking attention.