Enneagram Type Three relationship with Enneagram Type Five

Enneagram Type Three with Enneagram Type Five


Why the Attraction?

  • This is a very common Threes and Fives are attracted by their similarities and differences. Both tendto focus on their work and put a lot of energy into it. They strive to be competent and effective. They’re both sensitive and have deep feelings but tend to communicate those feelings more through action than through sentiment. They’re also both self-reliant, undemanding and give each other plenty of personal space in the relationship.
  • Threes, being the more outgoing of the pair, are usually the initiators and are attracted to Five’s insightfulness, creativity, and depth/breadth of knowledge and expertise in different subject Fives areinnovative and can be visionary. They often come up with ingenious ideas to help the Three with his/herwork or to market him/herself better, which the Three is thrilled about. Fives can also help their Three outwith details, which Threes tend not to have the patience for.
  • Fives are initially attracted to Threes because of their charm, self-confidence, warm sociability, competence and often Fives also recognize that Threes complement their skill set. Threes are good communicators, inspiring motivators and excellent at self-promotion and marketing. They can be great leaders and practical problem-solvers.
  • Both can support each other’s work habits, balance closeness with freedom and complement each other’sTogether they might create Visionary (Five) Leadership (Three) or Innovative (Five) Marketing (Three).


Some Shared Positive Traits

  • Derive much of their self-esteem from their work and can be outstanding at it
  • Both are highly observant of other people and their environment
  • Can make decisions rationally
  • Are not overly influenced by their emotions
  • Can be highly competent
  • Are both independent and self-reliant
  • Are both intense and can focus intently on whatever they’re working on
  • Can both persevere until a goal is accomplished
  • Love to learn


Some Shared Negative Traits

  • Suspend their own, personal feelings or avoid them
  • Are very sensitive to criticism
  • Can have difficulty expressing sincere terms of endearment
  • Tend to be suspicious and cynical of others
  • Can be overly competitive (especially around work)
  • Can neglect the relationship from focusing too much on their work or pet projects


Differing Traits (and Potential Sources of Frustration or Balance)

  • Action-oriented Doer (Threes) Contemplative Thinker (Fives)
  • Outer world of practical action (Ones) Inner world of theory and imagination (Fives)
  • Impatient with details (Threes) Tinker with the details (Fives)
  • Climb corporate ladder (Threes) Climb library ladder (Fives)
  • Love being in the limelight (Threes) Hate the limelight (Fives)
  • Empirical, Concrete (Threes) Theoretical, Abstract (Fives)
  • Street smart Marketer (Threes) Book smart Innovator (Fives)
  • Can be socially adept (Threes) Can be socially inept (Fives)
  • Hasty action (Threes) Lack of action (Fives)
  • Outgoing (Threes) Reserved (Fives)


Potential Problems

  • Main concerns: (One) Too much emphasis on work and not enough on the relationship can devolve into living separate, parallel lives, (Two) balancing social contact time intimate time together, (Three) Three respecting Five’s need for time alone AND/OR Five objecting to Three’s “away from home” or travel time, and (Four) intimacy issues.
  • Three can see Five as too overly analytical, detached, retracted, disengaged from the outer world and lackingin practical Fives don’t like to socialize as much as Threes which can be a source of irritation for bothtypes. It helps when each respects the other’s needs. Surprisingly, Fives can sometimes feel insecure abouttheir Three’s social life and absences from home due to work or travel (especially sexual Fives) and want theThree home more.
  • Five can disrespect Three for lack of ethical standards (cutting corners in work quality, for example), shallowness, dishonesty and exaggerated false Five can also get upset with Three’s impatience and pressure put on the Five to take action. Five can see Three as too hasty, risk taking and not cautious enough. Five can also get irritated that Three doesn’t take time to deal with details.
  • Both can have intimacy Threes are afraid to be seen apart from their achievements and Fives areafraid of being overwhelmed or drained by Three’s or their own emotions. At worst, Threes and Fives can become sarcastic, arrogant and impatient with each other as well as cold and distant.



For Threes

  • Curb your impatience and learn to respect your Five’s slower pace, need for plenty of alone time and attention to
  • If you are very extraverted, be especially careful not to ever discuss personal information about your Fives are private, as you probably know, and may not forgive you.


For Fives

  • Don’t be afraid to go out with your Three and engage with the Learn some communication and social skills if you have to. Neither you nor Threes are good at revealing deeper feelings. Perhaps you good both take a course in how to develop more intimacy in a relationship. It may be scary but the benefits would way outweigh the costs.