Enneagram Type Three relationship with Enneagram Type Four

Enneagram Type Three with Enneagram Type Four


Why the Attraction?

  • Fours are initially attracted to Threes because they seem to have their act all They seem like the“golden boy” or “golden girl” because they’re self-assured, successful, socially adept, charismatic, popular, diplomatic, energetic and have a likeable, winning personality. They tend to model the human excellencethat Fours strive to develop in themselves. Fours are seeking their Romeo (or Juliet) and initially Threesseem to be the knight in shining armor (or fairy princess) that Fours have been longing for all their life.
  • Threes are initially attracted to the sensitivity, refinement, depth of feeling, authentic communication style and self-awareness of They’re also attracted to Fours unique self-presentation, mysteriousness,intriguing complexity and romantic nature.
  • Fours help Threes become more aware of their soul’s deeper needs, desires and Threes help Four slearn to be more efficient with their time, be more objective and practical, market their creative talents and achieve their goals and dreams. Threes are great motivators who inspire Fours to do good things for themselves when they experience fluctuating moods or feelings of discouragement. The Four’s emotional outbursts can come as a surprise to Threes and need to be handled with care. Saying the wrong thing to a Four will only make the situation worse.
  • When this couple is healthy, they make an excellent, complementary


Some Shared Positive Traits

  • Are intense
  • Enjoy the finer things of life
  • Can be romantically passionate (Fours generally are and Threes can be, especially sexual Threes with a Four wing)
  • Can be competitive (Threes are and Fours can be, especially sexual Fours with a Three wing)
  • Have sensitive feelings and are sensitive to others
  • Can be creative and innovative


Some Shared Negative Traits

  • Are very concerned about how others perceive them (image-conscious)
  • Can be too approval-seeking
  • Seek recognition for being outstanding in some way
  • Both can be obsessive in their own way


Differing Traits (and Potential Sources of Frustration or Balance)

  • Outer-world focus (Threes) Inner-world focus (Fours)
  • Work oriented (Threes) Relationship oriented (Fours)
  • Avoid deep feelings (Threes) Incite deep feelings (Fours)
  • Attention on “Doing” (Threes) Inattention on “Doing” (Fours)
  • Self-confident, Perky (Threes) Self-doubting, Moody (Fours)
  • Effective, Pragmatic (Threes) Defective, Romantic (Fours)
  • Hide imperfections (Threes) Reveal imperfections (Fours)
  • Inauthentic, Superficial (Threes) Authentic, Deep (Fours)
  • You’ve gotta look good (Threes) You’ve gotta be real (Fours)
  • Can be socially adept (Threes) Can be socially inept (Fours)
  • “I can do it!” (Threes) “Can I do it?” (Fours)


Potential Problems

  • The major problems between Threes and Fours are Three’s neglect of the relationship and avoidance offeelings and Four’s neediness and temperamental
  • Fours can experience Threes as: excessively concerned about their image and recognition, neglectful of the relationship, avoidant of feelings, overly ambitious and Fours also disdain that Threes will cut corners to get a job done.
  • Fours see Threes as preoccupied with their work and career (even during intimate moments together!). Fourcraves emotional connection but Three’s work focus creates psychological distance between Three promises more time together. Four waits and longs for it. Three’s unavailability is bitter-sweet. On the onehand, Four romanticizes the best aspects of Three because the Four never quite “has” the Three. On the otherhand, Four can get depressed and demand more attention because of the lack of intimacy. Three detests emotional demands and evades the situation by working more.
  • Threes can experience Fours as: impractical, moody, too needy for attention, self-absorbed, unproductive,inactive and ineffective with their Threes get irritated and impatient with Four’s unproductiveness, impracticality and incessant focus on feelings and the relationship.
  • Four can accuse Three of being an uncaring workaholic who cares more about goals than people’s feelingswhile Three can accuse Four of being a needy, depressive, dramatic, self-absorbed prima donna who’s never



For Threes

  • Having a successful relationship is one aspect of being truly So, take the time to just be with your Four. Fours long for intimacy and deep connection so don’t ignore your Four when you’re busy. By spendingquality time with your Four, being authentic and connecting deeply, s/he will bend over backwards to helpyou be really successful.


For Fours

  • Realize that Threes feel like their self-worth comes from their If you can help Threes be successful rather than demanding more attention when they’re busy, you’ll go along way to creating ahappier relationship.