Enneagram Type Two with Enneagram Type Nine
Why the Attraction?
- Twos and Nines are attracted to each other because they’re both relationship-oriented, accommodating,sensitive and interested in peace and Twos and Nines are extremely caring and considerate and tend to get along exceptionally well. Twos are attracted to the gentleness, the unassuming steadiness and peaceful, easy-going nature of Nines. Twos find the calm and unquestioning acceptance of Nines soothing and nurturing. Nines are attracted to the lively cheerfulness and lavish attention and affection that Twos shower on them. Nines are also attracted to the high energy level of Twos which counterbalances their internal sloth (a sort of spiritual deadness).
- Nines and Twos also love physical affection and Nines report feeling energized by Twos passionate Twos and Nines can be deeply affected by each other at a nonverbal level and, when in sync, can seem to have an almost psychic link with each other. Home, family, friends, pets, children and being out in nature are all especially important to Twos and Nines and those common values help solidify their bond.
- Neither Twos nor Nines like stress or conflict and as long as Nines have a purpose and are fulfilling their potential and as long as Twos are getting the attention they need from their Nine this will be a very loving, harmonious, symbiotic
Some Shared Positive Traits
- Are sensitive, caring, accommodating and pleasing
- Are helpful and responsive to others
- Desire peace and harmony
- Are nurturing, soothing and supportive
- Are understanding of other people
- Are loving, generous, considerate and hospitable
- Are very intuitive, idealistic and optimistic
- Positively reframe disappointments
- Are warm, kind and good-natured
- Are easy-going, hospitable and undemanding
- Like to make people happy
- Have a positive outlook on life
Some Shared Negative Traits
- Both can give away their power and go along with the agenda of others
- Have difficulty knowing and expressing their own needs/wants
- Have difficulty setting boundaries and saying no
- Can be overly sensitive
Differing Traits (and Potential Sources of Frustration or Balance)
- Seek to love and be loved (Twos) Seek peace/comfort (Nines)
- Need to be needed (Twos) Need to be comfortable (Nines)
- Image-conscious (Twos) Not image-conscious (Nines)
- Indirectly seek approval (Twos) Don’t seek approval (Nines)
- I’m Somebody Special (Twos) I’m Nobody Special (Nines)
- Fast-paced, Intense (Twos) Slow-paced, Easygoing (Nines)
- Self-Important (Twos) Self-Effacing (Nines)
- High Energy Level (Twos) Moderate Energy Level (Nines)
- Temperamental (Twos) Even-tempered (Nines)
- Effusive in speech (Twos) Calm in speech (Nines)
- The problems in this relationship center around balance of power, decision making and who’s in Neither Twos nor Nines like conflict but invariably decisions need to be made in a relationship so someone has to takes charge. Most often it is the Two, but not always. Unless Nines have a strong Eight wing, they can find it difficult to speak up for themselves or say what they need. Twos can be intrusive in an effort to“help” get the Nine to set priorities and take some initiative. Twos can even become domineering, bossy and controlling of the Nine, giving directives and barking orders. Nines don’t like being controlled so will quietly but stubbornly resist the Two’s directives. This frustrates the Two who will try harder to “help” the Nine be more proactive.
- The Nine just wants to keep life comfortable, steady and peaceful but when things get bad enough the Nine will finally speak Unfortunately, by this point the Nine can blow up and angrily unload a litany of grievances that have been building up on the Two. Twos can take the Nine’s criticism very personally. They can see the Nine as ungrateful for all they’ve been trying to do and, feeling hurt, get angry back. To this,Nines withdraw into silence and become passive-aggressive toward the Two as a way of dealing with their anger. Twos will feel more undervalued, unappreciated and hurt as time passes. Unspoken tension can increase to the point where the relationship falls apart due to attrition and lack of communication.
- Notice that you tend to be impatient with your Nine’s pace and lack of Nines do very well with encouragement but dig in their heels when they feel coerced or pressured.
- Develop your own personal agenda and interests so that you don’t have to be in your Nine’s business all the
- Practice setting your own priorities and asserting your boundaries when you feel pressured to make a
- You tend to fall into habitual If you want to change a habit, set a goal and slowly build a routine that supports the new goal. Enlist support from your Two.