Enneagram Type Two relationship with Enneagram Type Eight

Enneagram Type Two with Enneagram Type Eight

 

Why the Attraction?

  • Twos are attracted to the self-confidence, decisiveness, authoritativeness, honesty, honorability, directness, intensity, passion and zest for life of Twos watch closely to tune in to what Eights need and then use their seduction, interpersonal skills and affection to give it to them and get closer. Both Twos and Eights want attention but Twos give it to get it while Eights, being more self-referencing, use their commanding personality and authority to get it. Eights eat up Twos lavish affection, attention and adoration. Twos are happy that their strategy to get close has worked. Eights are also attracted to Twos energetic enthusiasm, seductive appeal, generosity, warmth, kindness, sociability, passion and cheerfulness.
  • Twos and Eights are action-oriented, hard working, responsible, loyal, pragmatic, strong-willed, enthusiastic,friendly, protective and Twos are more outwardly feeling oriented but Eights can be surprisinglytender, sentimental and nurturing in the safety of their own home. Both can be bighearted, noble andgenerous although Twos are more purely altruistic and selfless. Eights, however, can be extremely self-sacrificial for a noble cause that involves a fight for truth, justice and fairness. Both want to be central in theirpartner’s life and are capable of being each other’s most loyal, dependable, staunchest supporters. This  couple can make a powerful, complimentary team with deep admiration of each other.

 

Some Shared Positive Traits

  • Are action-oriented and pragmatic
  • Are loyal, noble, protective and supportive
  • Are both drawn to power and influence
  • Are friendly, enthusiastic and energetic
  • Are passionate, intense and sensual/sexual
  • Want to have a personal impact on their environment
  • Have a soft side – they can be deeply feeling and sentimental (this is usually hidden in Eights)
  • Are hard working and responsible
  • Are strong-willed
  • Are big-hearted, magnanimous and generous
  • Have good interpersonal and social skills

 

Some Shared Negative Traits

  • Struggle with underlying feelings of rejection
  • Have a propensity to have stormy relationships (because of fear of rejection and aggressive tendencies)
  • Have a tendency to avoid or deny their own needs
  • Can work too hard and not take care of their health
  • Can feel as if they know what is best for others
  • Can be aggressive, forceful, confrontational, vengeful
  • Can have big egos (smug self-satisfaction)
  • Can be intrusive, impulsive, blunt, stalking and fear betrayal
  • Can be possessive and controlling, forceful and domineering
  • Can have difficulty maintaining their own and respecting other’s boundaries

 

Differing Traits (and Potential Sources of Frustration or Balance)

  • Other-referencing (Twos) Self-referencing (Eights)
  • Emotionally needy (Twos) Emotionally independent (Eights)
  • Soft-hearted, Kind (Twos) Hard-hearted, Cruel (Eights)
  • Sensitive, Tactful (Twos) Insensitive, Tactless (Eights)
  • Emotional (Twos) Unemotional (Eights)
  • Indirect expression (Twos) Direct expression (Eights)
  • Covertly aggressive (Twos) Openly aggressive (Eights)
  • Sociable, People Person (Twos) Anti-social, Loner (Eights)
  • Dependent (Twos) Independent (Eights)
  • Sentimental (Twos) Unsentimental (Eights)

 

Potential Problems

  • Both want to be central in their partner’s life but Twos and Eights have very different value systems andrelating Twos are chiefly interpersonal and Eights are chiefly independent. Eights can be friendly butthey do not get attached to people and their needs like Twos do.
  • Twos can see Eights as confrontational, insensitive to others feelings, excessive, dominating and unable to show any
  • Eights can see Twos as intrusive, manipulative, dependent, indirect, clingy, emotional and attention and approval-seeking.
  • Twos notice straight away that the Eight is too hard-hearted and so Two’s go about trying to soften the The Eight initially enjoys the Two’s attention and affection but as time goes on the Eight can feel betrayed byTwo’s emotional manipulation, subtle attempts at control and indirectness (which the Eight sees at dishonesty). If that occurs the Eight will become overtly angry and confrontational. The Eight will also try to dominate and control the Two but the Two will either withdraw, feeling rejected, or access his/her own typeEight energy and fight for freedom. This can lead to intense arguing, hostility and animosity. Twos can loserespect for Eights, seeing them as heartless and cruel. Eights can lose respect for Twos, seeing them as manipulative and dishonest.

 

Advice

For Twos

  • Be direct and honest and don’t try to change your Eights can’t stand being manipulated or controlled in any way.
  • Be more Don’t have expectations of your Eight.
  • If your Eight goes into a rage give him/her time to cool
  • If your Eight hurts your feelings talk about it with him/her.

 

For Eights

  • Learn to modify your impact on others and control your It’ll build trust in your relationships. Whenyou are secure in yourself you sincerely like to be of service to people and empower them. You have accessto all of the generosity, kindness, attentiveness, etc. that your Two has.

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