Enneagram Type Two with Enneagram Type Six
Why the Attraction?
- Twos are usually the pursuers in this Twos are initially attracted to the playfulness, loyalty, modesty, steadfastness, hard work ethic and even the self-doubt of Sixes. Twos tend to be attracted to people with needs. The self-doubt of Sixes signals a clear need to the Two who moves in to help the doubting Six. Sixes, ever wary, may initially be suspicious of Twos flattery of them and overt overtures of affection but once the Six learns that the compliments and attention are sincere they warm up to the Two. Sixes are then attracted to the Twos open-heartedness, thoughtfulness, compassion, empathy and self-sacrifice.
- Twos and Sixes become aware they have many similar They’re both service-oriented, pragmatic,hard working and dutiful. They take all of their responsibilities and commitments seriously and tend to putthe needs of others first. Both are relationship oriented, interested in building a family and creating domesticity. They are both community conscious and value social responsibility. They often take on helpingroles in the community, often volunteering their time. They enjoy social connectedness which gives them afeeling of being appreciated and valued. Each sees the potential in the other as a worthy partner, spouse andparent and that is very attractive. This relationship is often built more on mutual admiration, respect,dependability and affection rather than smoldering passion and infatuation.
Some Shared Positive Traits
- Are dutiful, dependable and take their responsibilities towards others, and each other, very seriously
- Are cooperative, accommodating, supportive and helpful
- Tend to put the needs of others before their own
- Are family oriented and community minded
- Committed and faithful to family and friends
- Often are socially involved in the community, serving on a board, committee or local council or just volunteering their time and energy
- Are sensitive and emotional
- Warm-hearted, engaging and friendly
Some Shared Negative Traits
- Can be ingratiating with other people
- Can feel put upon and pressured
- Can be over-accommodating
- Can neglect their own well-being
- Fear being rejected and abandoned
- Can become dependent on each other or others
- Can be jealous, possessive and distrustful
- Can get their feelings her easily
- Can let other people take advantage of their kindness and helpfulness
- Can be emotionally volatile
Differing Traits (and Potential Sources of Frustration or Balance)
- Optimistic (Twos) Pessimistic (Sixes)
- Trusting, Credulous (Twos) Distrustful, Suspicious (Sixes)
- Want to feel loved/important to others (Twos) Want to feel safe/secure around others (Sixes)
- Like to give advice that helps others (Twos) Like to receive advice that helps them (allay fears) (Phobic Sixes)
- Feel loved when others dependent on them (Unhealthy Twos) Fear becoming dependent on others, while becoming more dependent on them (Unhealthy Sixes)
- Emotional and show emotions directly (Twos) Emotional and don’t show emotions directly (Sixes)
- Twos can see Sixes as mistrustful, controlling, pessimistic, negative and too resistant to being Theyalso see Sixes as accusatory and too fearful of worst case scenarios. Sixes have a nasty habit of testing theirpartner’s fidelity and loyalty by questioning them. If the Two said “I’ll be home at Six:00 pm” and came home at Seven:00 pm the Six would be all worked up either fearing something bad happened or fearing theTwo was seeing someone (especially the later if there are relationship problems). Then the Six can becomeaccusatory and controlling: “Where were you?” and “Why are you late?” “I don’t want you to ever be lateagain without calling me first.” Sixes accuse and control because they fear being abandoned or betrayed(their basic fears).
- Sixes can see Twos as intrusive, controlling, manipulative, overly helpful, dependent and too in need of approval and Sixes usually feel pressured by too many competing demands – from the Two, friends, children, the boss…. – making them feel overwhelmed. Twos try to offer help/advice but Sixes perceive Two’s help as intrusiveness and controlling which undermines their self-confidence, and they resent it. Sixes can overreact and lash out at the Two. Two’s feelings get hurt and they withdraw attention from the Six. Six gets anxious and makes up. Then Six gets anxious about being too close and pushes Two away. Two withdraws. Six gets anxious and pulls the Two close. Two becomes controlling and overly helpful and the cycle goes on.
- Be careful to discern whether the help you are offering is altruistic or self-serving. Sixes are suspicious of motives so your Six will know whether your intentions are pure or
- Six’s ambivalence and unpredictability may make you feel crazy (or rejected) but don’t take it It’s fear!
- Sixes fear dependence so develop your own
- It’s important to separate your own personal goals from those your Two wants for Make your goals apriority.
- Trust Have confidence in your own authority.
- Try to trust your Two’s sincere