Enneagram Type Two relationship with Enneagram Type Five

Enneagram Type Two with Enneagram Type Five


Why the Attraction?

  • This is a very common It’s an attraction of opposites. Precisely because of their extreme differencesthere is an extreme attraction between these two types. Twos are often attracted to Fives because of their self-possession, intelligence, gentleness, emotional composure and calmness. Twos are awed by Fives emotional detachment and self-reliance, so different from their own passionate feelings and strongrelationship orientation. Fives are often attracted to Twos for their generosity, warmth and bright, cheerfulpersonality. Twos have a way of touching the Fives heart and warming up their cool, collected persona.
  • Twos are usually the pursuer in this They’re attracted to people who they feel have needs.
  • Twos find Fives to be an interesting challenge because Fives are hard to read emotionally and don’t seem toneed To Twos, Fives seem too emotionally restrained, preoccupied with their own thoughts andprivate. Twos can clearly see how they’re just what the Five needs! So Twos pour on the charm and try toget the Five to like them but Fives are a tough nut to crack. They don’t give many outward signs of interest inthe Two even though they secretly enjoy the Twos lavish attention and affection. Twos find it difficult toknow what pleases Fives but that makes them more determined to win the Five over. Eventually Fives do letTwos in – a little – and allow themselves to be nurtured, and even doted over.


Some Shared Positive Traits

  • Are sensitive themselves and sensitive to the needs of others
  • Are gentle and kindhearted
  • Are thoughtful and understanding of others
  • Are loyal and trustworthy
  • Can both be very sensual and sexual
  • Are very imaginative and enjoy thinking intensely about their respective interests


Some Shared Negative Traits

  • Their emotional needs and desires are deeply repressed
  • Unconsciously, both long for emotional nurturance but are unable to ask for it
  • Have underlying feelings of rejection from one or both parents
  • Can become too obsessed with what they are thinking about (for Twos – their relationship, for Fives – theirideas)


Differing Traits (and Potential Sources of Frustration or Balance)

  • Extraverted, Feeling (Twos) Introverted, Thinking (Fives)
  • Compliments liberally (Twos) Compliments sparingly (Fives
  • Forward and Emotional (Twos) Reserved and Analytical (Fives)
  • Subjective, People-person (Twos) Objective, Loner (Fives)
  • Outer world focused (Twos) Inner world focused (Fives)
  • Passionate, Intrusive (Twos) Dispassionate, Retracted Five
  • Clingy, Dependent (Twos) Detached, Independent (Fives)
  • Poor boundaries (Twos) Clear boundaries (Fives)


Differing Traits (and Potential Sources of Frustration or Balance)

  • Open and Talkative (Twos) Private and Secretive (Fives)
  • Trusting, Credulous (Twos) Distrustful, Suspicious (Fives)
  • Want “closeness” (Twos) Want “space” (Fives)


Potential Problems

  • Twos become frustrated and upset when Fives are so caught up in their own mental world that they don’t payany attention to This no only hurts their feelings and feels like rejection but can trigger deep,unconscious fears that the Two is unlovable and unwanted.
  • Twos want to be ever closer to Fives who can feel as though they are being smothered and Fives then withdraw from Twos and begin to resent their intrusiveness, pushiness and over-helping. This results in Twos feeling rejected. But rather than withdrawing, Twos redouble their efforts to get some kind of emotional response from their Five to assure them that they are still loved. They may act more seductively, be more curious about what the Five is doing or insist that they should go out and have some fun. Unfortunately, Fives feel more suffocated and emotionally overwhelmed by the Twos actions. Fives detach emotionally and retract even more, just wanting to get away from the Two overtures and preserve their autonomy. This creates a vicious cycle of pursuit and retreat which results in angry outbursts and feelings of alienation for both.
  • Unhealthy Twos can be angry they’re being taken for They try to get involved in every aspect of theFives life. They have a fear they’re not really needed or wanted. Fives clearly feel unsafe and fearful. TheTwo is being obsessive, controlling, irrational and aggressive to get their needs met. Now the Five just wantout.



For Twos

  • This relationship is a great growth opportunity for If you come on too strong your Five will retract. Learn to be alone and develop your own personal interests. Fives need emotional space so they can feel safe to come forward.
  • Practice steadying your They overwhelm Fives.


For Fives

  • This relationship is a great growth opportunity for I know you don’t want a needy person in your life butif you retract when strong feelings come up it’ll be hard to have a relationship with a Two. Practice movingpast your fear of being engulfed and stay present to emotions.