Enneagram Type Two with Enneagram Type Seven
Why the Attraction?
- Twos and Sevens are often attracted to each other because they are both upbeat, enthusiastic, vivacious, energetic, cheerful, outgoing, friendly and Both enjoy life and look for the positive in people and all situations rather than dwell on the negative. Twos are more emotionally volatile and moody than Sevens but both like to stay happy and have fun.
- Twos are attracted to Sevens free-spirited adventurousness, mental agility, quick-witted humor, wide-ranging talents, playfulness, spontaneity and indefatigable Sevens are looking for someone who will adore them, someone who will join them in having a good time and experiencing life to the fullest. Sevens want to be with a partner who admires them but also mirrors their high self-image.
- Twos fit the bill Twos love to admire their partner and give them lots of attention. Twos feel good about themselves overall, taking great pride in their love for others. Twos like to be with their partner and are happy to join the Seven on any adventure, as long as there’s time for intimacy. Both like to live the good life (as much as possible).
- Sevens also admire Twos altruism, idealism, depth of feeling, passionate sensuality and concern for other’s Twos inspire Sevens to be more altruistic. As long as Twos aren’t too clingy or needy Sevens enjoy emotional intimacy in short bursts. Twos and Sevens, being quite sexual, get their physical needs met in this relationship. Sevens remind Twos to take care of their own needs as well as those of others.
Some Shared Positive Traits
- Are vivacious, upbeat and cheerful
- Are idealistic and inspirational
- Are generous and make others feel loved
- Enjoy sharing their abundance with others
- Are high-energy and adventurous people
- Are flexible and adaptable
- Have a positive outlook and love the goodness of life
- Are optimistic and enthusiastic, engaging and spontaneous
- Want to be happy and have a good time (and want the same for others too)
- Are outgoing, sociable and friendly; at ease in groups
- Are charming, bright and bubbly
Some Shared Negative Traits
- Both can avoid negative emotions and feelings
- Both can avoid looking at the dark side of life
- Both can be emotional and histrionic/overdramatic
- Both can have a self-satisfied feeling of superiority
- Both have major freedom/closeness issues
- Seek intimacy (Twos) Seek excitement/experience (Sevens)
- Want to be needed (Twos) Don’t want to be needed (Sevens)
- Other-referencing (Twos) Self-referencing (Sevens)
- Commitment-oriented (Twos) Freedom-oriented (Sevens)
- Want a Soul Mate (Twos) Want a Play Mate (Sevens)
- Love Emotional Arousal (Twos) Love Mental Arousal (Sevens
- Gluttony for love (Twos) Gluttony for enjoyment (Sevens)
- Emotionally needy (Twos) Emotionally independent (Sevens)
- At …. Self-sacrificing (Twos) vs. Self-serving (Sevens)
- At …. Demanding (Twos) vs. Evading (Sevens)
- One of the big rubs in this relationship is that most Twos have a greater need for intimacy and emotional closeness than most Sevens do (with a few exceptions). Twos want to settle Sevens are capable of committing but because of their basic fear (of being deprived, limited and stuck in pain) they aren’t as eager to settle down as Twos and even when they do commit they need to feel free.
- As a result, Sevens can experience Twos as intrusive, needy of attention, possessive and limiting of the Seven’s Twos can be rather insistent on spending more “quality time” rather than just “fun time” together. As the Two gets more smothering the Seven begins to get anxious about feeling confined. As Two becomes more of a needy burden than a fun partner Seven starts to question the relationship.
- Sevens can also feel manipulated by the Two’s guilt and don’t like
- Twos can experience the Seven as a self-serving, narcissistic, untrustworthy “player” who has no intention of settling Twos begin to feel that the Seven doesn’t really care about them so much as having a companion to have a good time. They also wonder if the Seven could ever commit to a relationship since they change their mind so easily in so many other areas of life. When Twos begin to feel used they will either withdraw attention and withhold affection or compensate for emotional deprivation by overeating or complaining about health problems (as a way to elicit attention). At this point Sevens usually respond by wanting to escape and get out of the relationship.
- Sevens love companionship but need space in a If you become too possessive, smothering, needy or limit the Seven’s freedom s/he will experience you as an emotional drag rather than a fun partner and will want to get out.
- Develop autonomy and interests outside the
- Have you noticed that avoiding commitments keeps you free but doesn’t give you any depth of experience? This creates its own kind of If you commit to the relationship you can still assert your boundaries and enjoy your freedom but you’ll also enrich all of your experiences.
Enneagram Type Two with Enneagram Type Five
Why the Attraction?
- This is a very common It’s an attraction of opposites. Precisely because of their extreme differences there is an extreme attraction between these two types. Twos are often attracted to Fives because of their self-possession, intelligence, gentleness, emotional composure and calmness. Twos are awed by Fives emotional detachment and self-reliance, so different from their own passionate feelings and strong relationship orientation. Fives are often attracted to Twos for their generosity, warmth and bright, cheerful personality. Twos have a way of touching the Fives heart and warming up their cool, collected persona.
- Twos are usually the pursuer in this They’re attracted to people who they feel have needs.
- Twos find Fives to be an interesting challenge because Fives are hard to read emotionally and don’t seem to need To Twos, Fives seem too emotionally restrained, preoccupied with their own thoughts and private. Twos can clearly see how they’re just what the Five needs! So Twos pour on the charm and try to get the Five to like them but Fives are a tough nut to crack. They don’t give many outward signs of interest in the Two even though they secretly enjoy the Twos lavish attention and affection. Twos find it difficult to know what pleases Fives but that makes them more determined to win the Five over. Eventually Fives do let Twos in – a little – and allow themselves to be nurtured, and even doted over.
Some Shared Positive Traits
- Are sensitive themselves and sensitive to the needs of others
- Are gentle and kindhearted
- Are thoughtful and understanding of others
- Are loyal and trustworthy
- Can both be very sensual and sexual
- Are very imaginative and enjoy thinking intensely about their respective interests
Some Shared Negative Traits
- Their emotional needs and desires are deeply repressed
- Unconsciously, both long for emotional nurturance but are unable to ask for it
- Have underlying feelings of rejection from one or both parents
- Can become too obsessed with what they are thinking about (for Twos – their relationship, for Fives – their ideas)
Differing Traits (and Potential Sources of Frustration or Balance)
- Extraverted, Feeling (Twos) Introverted, Thinking (Fives)
- Compliments liberally (Twos) Compliments sparingly (Fives
- Forward and Emotional (Twos) Reserved and Analytical (Fives)
- Subjective, People-person (Twos) Objective, Loner (Fives)
- Outer world focused (Twos) Inner world focused (Fives)
- Passionate, Intrusive (Twos) Dispassionate, Retracted Five
- Clingy, Dependent (Twos) Detached, Independent (Fives)
- Poor boundaries (Twos) Clear boundaries (Fives)
- Open and Talkative (Twos) Private and Secretive (Fives)
- Trusting, Credulous (Twos) Distrustful, Suspicious (Fives)
- Want “closeness” (Twos) Want “space” (Fives)
- Twos become frustrated and upset when Fives are so caught up in their own mental world that they don’t pay any attention to This no only hurts their feelings and feels like rejection but can trigger deep, unconscious fears that the Two is unlovable and unwanted.
- Twos want to be ever closer to Fives who can feel as though they are being smothered and Fives then withdraw from Twos and begin to resent their intrusiveness, pushiness and over-helping. This results in Twos feeling rejected. But rather than withdrawing, Twos redouble their efforts to get some kind of emotional response from their Five to assure them that they are still loved. They may act more seductively, be more curious about what the Five is doing or insist that they should go out and have some fun. Unfortunately, Fives feel more suffocated and emotionally overwhelmed by the Twos actions. Fives detach emotionally and retract even more, just wanting to get away from the Two overtures and preserve their autonomy. This creates a vicious cycle of pursuit and retreat which results in angry outbursts and feelings of alienation for both.
- Unhealthy Twos can be angry they’re being taken for They try to get involved in every aspect of the Fives life. They have a fear they’re not really needed or wanted. Fives clearly feel unsafe and fearful. The Two is being obsessive, controlling, irrational and aggressive to get their needs met. Now the Five just want out.
- This relationship is a great growth opportunity for If you come on too strong your Five will retract. Learn to be alone and develop your own personal interests. Fives need emotional space so they can feel safe to come forward.
- Practice steadying your They overwhelm Fives.
- This relationship is a great growth opportunity for I know you don’t want a needy person in your life but if you retract when strong feelings come up it’ll be hard to have a relationship with a Two. Practice moving past your fear of being engulfed and stay present to emotions.
Enneagram Type Two with Enneagram Type Six
Why the Attraction?
- Twos are usually the pursuers in this Twos are initially attracted to the playfulness, loyalty, modesty, steadfastness, hard work ethic and even the self-doubt of Sixes. Twos tend to be attracted to people with needs. The self-doubt of Sixes signals a clear need to the Two who moves in to help the doubting Six. Sixes, ever wary, may initially be suspicious of Twos flattery of them and overt overtures of affection but once the Six learns that the compliments and attention are sincere they warm up to the Two. Sixes are then attracted to the Twos open-heartedness, thoughtfulness, compassion, empathy and self-sacrifice.
- Twos and Sixes become aware they have many similar They’re both service-oriented, pragmatic,hard working and dutiful. They take all of their responsibilities and commitments seriously and tend to putthe needs of others first. Both are relationship oriented, interested in building a family and creating domesticity. They are both community conscious and value social responsibility. They often take on helpingroles in the community, often volunteering their time. They enjoy social connectedness which gives them afeeling of being appreciated and valued. Each sees the potential in the other as a worthy partner, spouse andparent and that is very attractive. This relationship is often built more on mutual admiration, respect,dependability and affection rather than smoldering passion and infatuation.
Some Shared Positive Traits
- Are dutiful, dependable and take their responsibilities towards others, and each other, very seriously
- Are cooperative, accommodating, supportive and helpful
- Tend to put the needs of others before their own
- Are family oriented and community minded
- Committed and faithful to family and friends
- Often are socially involved in the community, serving on a board, committee or local council or just volunteering their time and energy
- Are sensitive and emotional
- Warm-hearted, engaging and friendly
Some Shared Negative Traits
- Can be ingratiating with other people
- Can feel put upon and pressured
- Can be over-accommodating
- Can neglect their own well-being
- Fear being rejected and abandoned
- Can become dependent on each other or others
- Can be jealous, possessive and distrustful
- Can get their feelings her easily
- Can let other people take advantage of their kindness and helpfulness
- Can be emotionally volatile
- Optimistic (Twos) Pessimistic (Sixes)
- Trusting, Credulous (Twos) Distrustful, Suspicious (Sixes)
- Want to feel loved/important to others (Twos) Want to feel safe/secure around others (Sixes)
- Like to give advice that helps others (Twos) Like to receive advice that helps them (allay fears) (Phobic Sixes)
- Feel loved when others dependent on them (Unhealthy Twos) Fear becoming dependent on others, while becoming more dependent on them (Unhealthy Sixes)
- Emotional and show emotions directly (Twos) Emotional and don’t show emotions directly (Sixes)
- Twos can see Sixes as mistrustful, controlling, pessimistic, negative and too resistant to being Theyalso see Sixes as accusatory and too fearful of worst case scenarios. Sixes have a nasty habit of testing theirpartner’s fidelity and loyalty by questioning them. If the Two said “I’ll be home at Six:00 pm” and came home at Seven:00 pm the Six would be all worked up either fearing something bad happened or fearing theTwo was seeing someone (especially the later if there are relationship problems). Then the Six can becomeaccusatory and controlling: “Where were you?” and “Why are you late?” “I don’t want you to ever be lateagain without calling me first.” Sixes accuse and control because they fear being abandoned or betrayed(their basic fears).
- Sixes can see Twos as intrusive, controlling, manipulative, overly helpful, dependent and too in need of approval and Sixes usually feel pressured by too many competing demands – from the Two, friends, children, the boss…. – making them feel overwhelmed. Twos try to offer help/advice but Sixes perceive Two’s help as intrusiveness and controlling which undermines their self-confidence, and they resent it. Sixes can overreact and lash out at the Two. Two’s feelings get hurt and they withdraw attention from the Six. Six gets anxious and makes up. Then Six gets anxious about being too close and pushes Two away. Two withdraws. Six gets anxious and pulls the Two close. Two becomes controlling and overly helpful and the cycle goes on.
- Be careful to discern whether the help you are offering is altruistic or self-serving. Sixes are suspicious of motives so your Six will know whether your intentions are pure or
- Six’s ambivalence and unpredictability may make you feel crazy (or rejected) but don’t take it It’s fear!
- Sixes fear dependence so develop your own
- It’s important to separate your own personal goals from those your Two wants for Make your goals apriority.
- Trust Have confidence in your own authority.
- Try to trust your Two’s sincere