Enneagram Type Two with Enneagram Type Four
Why the Attraction?
- Initial attraction here is based on emotional connection, which both have always been longing BothTwos and Fours are highly romantic. They’re grateful to have finally found someone with the same desire toshare deep feelings and be intimate. This relationship can move fast because both partners long for intimacyand yearn for a Romeo and Juliet kind of love. Twos and Fours usually enjoy talking with each other forhours on end and often spark each others humorous side. Once comfortable with each other, they enjoyplayfully bantering about each others quirks and foibles. Being intense and passionate people, Twos andFours are also ardently sensual and sexual.
- Fours are often attracted to Twos cheerfulness, sociability, upbeat personality and profuse attention and affection bestowed on Fours admire Twos ability to take action and get things done. Fours often feel shy or self-conscious in social situations but Twos help Fours gain confidence in their ability to interact with people. Most of all, Fours love that Twos see the best in them and know how to make them feel special, important and loved.
- Twos are often attracted to Fours individualism, sensitivity, mysteriousness, sense of humor, emotional depth and compassion for Twos also appreciate Fours creativity, attunement to beauty (inner and outer) and unique way of looking at things.
Some Shared Positive Traits
- Are very relationship oriented, intense and romantic; both enjoy (yet fear) closeness and intimacy tremendously
- Place great emphasis on their intimate relationship
- Are supportive, compassionate and affectionate
- Are sensitive, intuitive and insightful about people and especially each other
- Are caring, giving and responsive to each other’s feelings
- Are self-expressive and passionate
- Enjoy sharing their feelings and having deep discussions
- Lighten each other up and connect with an appreciation of each others’ quirks and peculiarities
Some Shared Negative Traits
- Can have dramatic, intense, fluctuating feelings
- Can get very depressed around issues dealing with love
- Are extremely sensitive and tend to take things personally
- Both have fears of abandonment and rejection in relationships and thus a fear of intimacy, at first
- Are prone to a push-pull tendency in their relationship
- Can be jealous and possessive; can suffer from guilt
- Can be nostalgic, longing for what they don’t have
- Seek attention and approval from each other and others
- Are image-conscious. Both have underlying (unconscious) feelings of shame
Differing Traits (and Potential Sources of Frustration or Balance)
- Move towards others (Twos) Withdraw from others (Fours)
- Outer-directed (Twos) Inner-directed (Fours)
- Look for similarities (Twos) Look for differences (Fours)
- Who do you want me to be? (Twos) Who am I? (Fours)
- Self-satisfied (Twos) Self-dissatisfied (Fours)
- Don’t willingly reveal their imperfections (Twos) Willingly reveal their imperfections (Fours)
- Discomfort w/ own dark feelings (Twos) Comfort/familiarity w/ own dark feelings (Fours)
- How are you feeling? (Twos) How am I feeling? (Fours)
- Other-absorbed (Twos) Self-absorbed (Twos)
- Twos look for needs they can fulfill in a potential partner and Fours can be full of Unfortunately, both Twos and Fours are very emotional people who are hypersensitive and not very good at asking for what they need in a relationship. So, there are lots of unspoken demands made by Twos and Fours.
- Since Twos and Fours are looking for deep intimacy they tend to cling to each other at Yet, both fear intimacy also (since they unconsciously believe they’re unlovable). So, over time, one of them pulls away (often the Four) when the relationship starts to get serious. When one partner pulls away the other pursues. Ifthe pursuee then becomes available, the pursuer can start to fear commitment. This can be a push-pull relationship until both commit.
- Twos can begin to see Fours as too moody, self-absorbed, temperamental, inactive, preoccupied with theirown suffering and not interested enough in other’s
- Fours can begin to see Twos as intrusive, smothering, unable to stand on their own, clingy and emotionally Fours see Two’s flattery, superficial perkiness and helpfulness as nothing more than a ploy to bribepeople for love, which they find repulsive. Fours, feeling disillusioned by the Two, start to disdain theirpartner and one again long for their soul mate. Fours can also envy Two’s social adeptness, charm andpopularity with people which brings up feelings of shame and worthlessness. Both can feel unappreciated andsee each other as too emotionally needy.
- If there’s one person you can be real with it’s a Learn to express your authentic feelings rather thantrying to change your persona to please or win love from your Four. Contrary to what you might think, yourFour won’t abandon you if you’re yourself. It will truly create deeper intimacy.
- Make time to be alone to find the core of who you
- Notice your tendency to see the flaws and pull away when a relationship starts to get When thishappens bring your mind back to what you appreciate in your Two – his/her warmth, affection, kindness,generosity, etc.