Enneagram Type Two with Enneagram Type Three
Why the Attraction?
- Twos and Threes are initially attracted to each other because they’re both optimistic, pleasant, friendly,personable and
- Twos are initially impressed by Threes beaming self-confidence, appealing personality, charisma, self- directedness and drive for
- Threes are initially attracted to Twos warmth, kindness, generosity, upbeat personality and the lavish attention and affection they
- Twos and Threes are both pragmatic, hard working and interested in living the good They are tuned into people and “read” each other exceptionally well. They know just how to make each other feel importantand special (although their underlying motives are different the result is the same).
- Twos like to give others attention and praise (in the hope of getting approval and love in return) and Threes like to receive it, especially for their accomplishments and Twos like to be the power behind the throne and Threes like to be the King or Queen on the throne. Twos want to admire their partner and Threes want to be admired. For this reason, Twos and Threes can make a nice complimentary couple. Twos find their niche by helping and supporting the Threes career goals and aspirations.
- Threes, in turn, are appreciative of their Twos help and give them the love they’re looking for (unbeknownstto the Three). In essence, Twos “work” to get more love and Threes “love” to get more Both aredriven by the need for attention and love and find it in/through each other.
Some Shared Positive Traits
- Are charming, personable, likable, gracious and polite
- Are outgoing, socially adept and high-spirited with excellent interpersonal skills
- Are action-oriented, upbeat and energetic
- Go after what they want
- Are positive, optimistic and sparkly (especially Twos with a Three wing and Threes with a Two wing)
- Know how to make a favorable impression on people and get people to like them
- Are flexible and They know how to make others feel like they are the center of attention
Some Shared Negative Traits
- Know how to schmooze and win people over
- Are driven by their feelings and emotional needs (although Threes may not be aware of this)
- Are driven by their need for attention and desire to be loved (although Twos may not be aware of this)
- Can be out of touch with their own deeper needs
- Are image-conscious and self-conscious
- Seek approval and recognition from other people; need to feel important
- Both have underlying (unconscious) feelings of shame
- Can alter their personality to win someone over
Differing Traits (and Potential Sources of Frustration or Balance)
- Strive to be loved (Twos) Strive to be successful (Threes)
- Focus on others’ feelings and needs (Twos) Focus on own goals and success (Twos)
- Can neglect the relationship with themselves (Twos) Can neglect the relationship with their partner (Threes)
- Express Feelings (Twos) Repress Feelings (Threes)
- Want recognition for being generous (Twos) Want recognition for being successful (Threes)
- Relationship oriented (Twos) Career oriented (Threes)
- People focus (Twos) Task focus (Threes)
- Both Twos and Threes are very image and self-conscious. They both need lots of validation and recognition although they are usually unaware of The trouble that can occur is that Twos want recognition from their Three partner (as well as others in general) for being a helpful, loving partner whereas Threes want recognition from the world at large (as well as others in general) for their success and achievements.
- Twos need to be needed and most often end up supporting Three’s career goals and ambitions, hoping to be appreciated in The big rub comes when the Three is busy working and chasing after success and not making enough time for the Two or the relationship. Since Twos have difficulty asking for what they need,they use other tactics to get love.
- The first line of defense for a Two is to redouble his/her efforts to win love by being more helpful and Unfortunately, Threes easily feel smothered and stifled by the needy Two’s insistence on spendingmore time together.
- If Twos feel used, rejected, neglected and taken for granted they either become emotionally manipulative, hysterical or cut off support to the Twos can manipulate to get love through complaining, inducingguilt, or even undermining the Three’s confidence through humiliation in public. Three’s don’t like theTwo’s manipulative or distancing tactics. Feeling unrecognized for all the hard work the Three does to makethem a successful couple, the Three can just alienate the Two altogether and work more.
- Learn to state your needs Most considerate Threes are not deliberately neglectful. They just get sofocused on succeeding that they don’t think about the relationship
- Just as loving relationships are like oxygen to you, work is like oxygen to Try to see Three’s hard work as affection
- Make time in your schedule for quality time with your
- Two’s can rarely get too much appreciation so reassure them often that they’re important to
- Learn to open your heart and express your true feelings, not just those that make you look
Enneagram Type Two with Enneagram Type Two
Why the Attraction?
- This is not a common pairing because both Twos seek their identity through If that is the case, who is going to receive? Not all Twos are alike even if their underlying motivations are the same. Sexual Twos with a strong Three wing can often look and behave Eightish or Threeish. Self-preservation Twos with a strong One wing can often look and behave Oneish or Fourish.
- If this relationship does come about it’ll be because Twos instantly feel an emotional Both are looking for closeness and intimacy and sense they have found that in each other. They’re instantly attracted to each other’s warmth, kindness, generosity, affectionate nature and sensitivity to each other.
- Twos are emotionally intense and will bond Both are naturally complimentary and give each other lots of attention, which fills both of them up. Since they both want to get close, they will start sharing personal info. about themselves quickly and develop a high degree of intimacy soon, which of course they both want. Twos like to be physically close to each other too. Both have excellent interpersonal and communication skills so find it easy to talk for hours.
- Twos also admire each other’s desire to be of selfless service to If each Two will but allow themselves to be nurtured, helped and assisted they can create a very loving and deep emotional bonding.
Some Shared Positive Traits
- Are naturally very relationship-oriented
- Each give the other a deep sense of feeling genuinely loved and appreciated in the relationship
- Are attentive and tuned in to each other’s needs
- Are appreciative to have each other in their life
- Enjoy being together and telling each other often how much they love and care about each other
- Especially enjoy physical touch, closeness and intimacy when they’re together
- Like to check-in with each other and talk at length on the phone when they’re not together
- Have a deep understanding of each other since they think so much They can talk about ANYTHING
- Are able to get very close to each other very quickly
- Are caring, helpful, nurturing, supportive and generous
- Are affectionate, romantic and sensitive to each other
- Are positive, enthusiastic, active, energetic and cheerful
- Share a deep sensitivity to how other people feel
- Have learned to respect other’s need for independence
- Have learned how important it is to let loved ones go when the time is right rather than clinging to them
- Are insightful and intuitive; flexible and adaptable
Some Shared Negative Traits
- Can both be manipulative, controlling, possessive, needy, jealous, insincerely flattering and prideful about their giving
- Can be completely out of touch with their own needs
- Have a difficult time asking for what they need directly
- Can be overly concerned about their value and self-worth
- Can be overly helpful, intrusive, even co-dependent and rather insistent on doing nice, loving things for each other
- Can have difficulty receiving because they’re “givers”
- Can feel unappreciated, unfulfilled and disconnected from their partner when they’re mad at each other
- Can get angry if their needs go unmet for too long
- Could secretly compete with each other by keeping tabs on who is more loved, who is more popular, who gets more attention, who is asked for advice more, who is asked to more social events, who is flirted with more, who has more sexual advances made towards them,
- Could focus on becoming more desirable to our partner by altering our self-presentation to win his or her
- We could be too solicitous and lose our independence and sense of self in the
- We may have boundary problems and get enmeshed with each other or, alternatively, become disgusted by each other’s hovering and push each other
- There could be emotional upsets and hurt feelings if we feel that we’re not being loved or appreciated We might seek intimacy outside the relationship or use food as a compensation for emotional neglect.
- One of us, could develop health problems due to overeating and the physically healthier of us would end up taking care of the unhealthy partner or leave the relationship
- Our relationship could deteriorate into an unhealthy one, literally, in which we blame each other for intruding on one another’s boundaries and our psychosomatic illnesses hold us
- Don’t rush into a relationship too It takes time to get to know someone deeply and to develop trust. Ask lots of questions to get to know your partner better.
- Learn to develop your own independent self outside of the Encourage your partner to do the same.
- Not everyone expresses love the way you Look for different ways your partner might show love towards you.
- Practice balance in giving and Allowing yourself to be loved is a path of growth towards loving yourself.
- Notice when you give to get love and What is it you need to give to yourself in order to feel loved?