Enneagram Type One relationship with Enneagram Type Nine

Enneagram Type One with Enneagram Type Nine


Why the Attraction?

  • Ones and Nines are initially attracted to each other because they’re both idealistic and They want life to be peaceful and comfortable for themselves and others.
  • Ones are attracted to Nines because they’re nonjudgmental, accepting and easy to get along Nines are easy-going, gentle, and even-tempered. They have a relaxing, calming effect on Ones, who can be overly serious, uptight and tense at times. Because Nines are uncritical and undemanding, they help Ones be less self-critical and self-judgmental.
  • Nines are initially attracted to Ones because of their mental clarity, decisiveness, sense of purpose and interest in self-improvement.
  • Nines tend to be indecisive and struggle to know their purpose so it is attractive to find someone who is so sure of themselves and their direction in Ones can support and inspire Nines to become aware of their own purpose. Nines are attracted to the energy, passion and strong convictions of Ones. Nines are often attracted to vital, strong, dynamic types, like Ones, to supply the “juice” to their relationship. Nines are also attracted to One’s discipline, organization, ability to focus, follow through and get things done. Ones can help Nines stay focused and on task without getting distracted or sidetracked.
  • They have all the qualities necessary to create a loving, warm, stable


Some Shared Positive Traits

  • Both value regularity, routine, predictability and dependability
  • Both like autonomy and having their own personal space
  • Both have a concern and genuine care for others
  • Both have a desire for harmony in their relationship
  • Both are hospitable, genial and generous
  • Both like a consistent, steady life
  • Both often have a mutual love of nature and also animals
  • Both are idealistic and desire to make the world a better place
  • Both can be self-sacrificing and willing to put their personal needs/interests aside for the welfare of others
  • Both can delay rewards for the greater good


Some Shared Negative Traits

  • Both have a tendency to procrastinate
  • Both can be stubborn
  • Both repress their anger
  • Both can be withdrawn
  • Both can lack effective relationship communication skills
  • Both can worry over the best course of action to take in a given situation
  • Both can get into power struggles
  • Both need to learn how to know and express their own needs and desires
  • Both have underlying (unconscious) feelings of rage


Differing Traits (and Potential Sources of Frustration or Balance)

  • Uptight and Tense (Ones) Relaxed and Easy-going (Nines)
  • Easily get worked up (Ones) Unflappable/Unworried (Nines)
  • Rigid and Inflexible (Ones) Adaptable and Flexible (Nines)
  • Critical, Impatient (Ones) Uncritical, Patient (Nines)
  • Reforming, Intolerant (Ones) Laissez-faire, Tolerant (Nines)
  • Judgmental (Ones) Nonjudgmental (Nines)
  • Focused (Ones) vs. Unfocused (Nines)
  • Narrow-minded (Ones) Broadminded (Nines)
  • Good boundaries (Ones) Poor boundaries (Nines)
  • Exacting standards (Ones) Relaxed standards (Nines)
  • Can be a workaholic (Ones) Can be a couch potato (Nines)


Potential Problems

  • Ones and Nines are both anger types who repress Their differences are most evident, however, when action is called for and decisions need to be made.
  • Ones can make decisions quickly and then initiate action when they’ve got a goal to Nines generally don’t make decisions quickly or initiate action on their own behalf easily. For Nines, one choice over another doesn’t usually stand out. When an important mutual decision needs to be made (for example,choosing what color to paint the house) Ones will ask what the nine wants. Nines often don’t know and will just let the One choose for them. Ones, wanting to be fair, will press the Nine for an answer causing the Nine to go numb.
  • The more Ones push Nines to choose, the less Nines are willing and able to Under stress, Nine’s thinking becomes more scattered and confused and they begin to shut down and withdraw. They become more passive-aggressive too. Ones become more impatient and angry with Nines inability to make a decision and what feels like willful resistance to the One. As One’s anger raises nine’s discomfort rises making him/her less able to communicate. As Nines become more unresponsive Ones become more intolerant and infuriated. This can lead to power struggles, internal seething, caustic jabs/zingers, and angry outbursts that make the relationship unbearably difficult.



For Ones

  • Be patient and give your nine times to Nine’s nonjudgmental, easy-going, accepting personality that you love so much finds it hard to make instantaneous decisions.
  • Nine’s like feeling connected with you but Nines feel alienated and inferior when you criticize rather than encourage
  • Be aware, if you pressure, nag or complain a Nine will


For Nines

  • Learn to say, “I’ll let you know when I decide” rather than saying “I don’t know” or “whatever you ” Ones really do want to know your opinions and feelings even though they can be impatient or critical at times.