Enneagram Type One relationship with Enneagram Type Eight

Enneagram Type One with Enneagram Type Eight


Why the Attraction?

  • Ones and Eights are initially attracted to each other because they share a passion for righting They respect each other’s nobility of purpose and willingness to sacrifice them to fight for truth, justice,fairness and equality. Each sees the other as a champion of human rights, honor and dignity. Ones and Eights can do a world of good when they put their combined energy into social causes. Trust, honesty and fairness are key values.
  • Ones and Eights are pragmatic, action-oriented, hardworking, decisive and Ones are impressed by Eights instinctive self-confidence, unrestrained gusto and uninhibited passion, so different from their own self-control, self-restraint and sense of propriety.
  • Eights give Ones permission to do what they want and not just what they should Eights are impressed by Ones determination, purposefulness, honesty, integrity and strong convictions. Ones are strong-willed and cannot easily be swayed or dissuaded from what they believe is right, which Eights admire because they are the same way.
  • Ones and Eights are both thinking people, more mental than Both can be passionate but they are not particularly comfortable showing emotion or sentiment. This is another source of attraction because they enjoy discussing and debating issues that are important to them. In many ways Ones and Eights are opposites but they’re attracted to each other precisely because of it.


Some Shared Positive Traits

  • Both are crusaders for fairness, justice, equality and truth
  • Both are protective of people’s rights, especially those of the weak, disadvantaged, downtrodden,
  • Both are willing to sacrifice to bring about their vision
  • Both are intense, determined, persevering and hard working
  • Both are action-oriented, practical, purposeful and realistic
  • Both are self-reliant and independent-minded
  • Both have a nobility of vision and stand up for their beliefs
  • Both like to be efficient with their time and accomplish a lot
  • Both want to accomplish something significant with their life
  • Both are strong-willed and can take charge


Some Shared Negative Traits

  • Both get angry at injustices and believe it is up to them to right the wrongs of the world
  • Both have all-or-nothing, black and white thinking
  • Both think “my way is the right way” and won’t back down
  • Both can be impatient, rigid, stubborn, controlling, headstrong
  • Neither likes to acknowledge their own hurt or fear
  • Neither is very good at nurturing intimacy, creating good communication or giving words of affirmation
  • Both have a tendency to forget their own real needs
  • Both have underlying (unconscious) feelings of rage
  • Both like being in charge


Differing Traits (and Potential Sources of Frustration or Balance)

  • Strive for perfection (Ones) Strive to have an impact (Eights)
  • Anger suppressed (Ones) Anger expressed (Eights)
  • Restrained impulses (Ones) Unrestrained impulses (Eights)
  • Fear being “bad” (Ones) Love being “bad” (Eights)
  • Self-controlled, cautious (Ones) Impulsive, reckless (Eights)
  • Follow the rules/laws (Ones) Break the rules/laws (Eights)
  • Work with the system (Ones) Work outside the syst. (Eights)
  • Sensitive, Inhibited (Ones) Insensitive, Uninhibited (Eights)
  • Propriety, Modesty (Ones) Impropriety, Immodesty (Eights)
  • Conformist (Ones) Nonconformist (Eights)


Potential Problems

  • Both are anger Anger will bond or break this pair. Ones try to suppress their anger but Eights don’t.They like to express it. Eights see the world as basically unjust so don’t trust easily. They often confront and test their one partner to see how honorable, trustworthy and strong s/he is.
  • Eights can experience Ones as overly self-controlled, inhibited, restrained, self-denying, rigid, moralistic and Eights won’t be controlled and rebel vehemently when the One tries to place any kind of limits on them. Eights can also see Ones as hypocrites, preaching a life of virtuosity but not living it. Eights enjoy provoking their morally judgmental one partner just to see how far they can go. Ones don’t like to fight but once provoked will retaliate with force.
  • Ones can experience Eights as aggressive, insensitive, bossy, selfish, unrestrained, reckless, impulsive and sometimes They can also see them as rude and uncouth.
  • As anger types, both Ones and Eights like a certain amount of autonomy and control in the However, Eights also want all secrets shared in an intimate relationship so they can feel safe to let down their guard and trust their partner. Ones are not usually comfortable with this much self-disclosure.
  • Both are black-and-white thinkers who can be willful and Neither is willing to back down on a held position. Arguments and angry outbursts can end the relationship.



For Ones

  • Take Eight’s Try to be more spontaneous, uninhibited.
  • Realize that Eights test and confront as a way to feel safe in the They enjoy fighting, sex and intensity as ways of adding excitement to the relationship.
  • If you try to set limits be aware Eights fear being


For Eights

  • Learn to modify your impact so that the One can trust
  • One’s care what other’s think so try to be polite in
  • Be patient with Ones procrastination, worry and
  • Try to avoid power struggles over who’s