Enneagram Type One relationship with Enneagram Type Four

Enneagram Type One with Enneagram Type Four


Why the Attraction?

  • Ones and Fours are initially attracted to each other’s idealism, sense of integrity and desire to live for a higher
  • Both want to make the world a more peaceful, perfect Both can see the flaws in the current state of the world and how it could be. Driven by their high ideals, Ones and Fours are willing to work hard to bring about the changes they want to see. They both have high standards and idealistic expectations. By working together toward a common goal they could help improve conditions for others. Ones and Fours can also share aesthetic sensibilities, a great love for beauty and the arts, and cultural refinement.
  • Fours are attracted to Ones because they are reasonable, pragmatic, self-disciplined, objective and willing to sacrifice their personal needs for the greater good of
  • Ones are attracted to Fours because they’re in tune with their inner states, feelings, emotions, sensuality and Fours are also highly creative, inspirational and have a rarefied ability to access the unconsciousthrough symbols, visions and dreams, which Ones admire.
  • Fours are self-expressive and emotionally Ones are self-controlled and emotionally reserved. Fours help Ones let their hair down and express the entire palette of their feelings. Ones help Fours create more structure, method and self-discipline to actualize their dreams. Each type acts as a nice counterbalance to the other.


Some Shared Positive Traits

  • are passionate people
  •  are interested in constant self-improvement
  •  strive hard to be principled, ethical and authentic
  •  are intense and strong-willed yet sensitive and wise
  •  have high ideals; they share a strong interest in bringing something life-transforming to the world
  •  idealize how things could be and, when healthy, could create some universal or transcendent work together
  •  like to get things right due to their sensitivity to criticism
  •  can share aesthetic sensibilities, a great love of beauty and the arts as well as cultural refinement


Some Shared Negative Traits

  •  have a basic fear of being defective in some way
  •  have a sense of chronic dissatisfaction and frustration with the way things are (and often themselves)
  • are self-critical and sensitive to disapproval
  • can get discouraged and feel deficient easily
  • easily notice the all-to-human flaws in each other
  •  have strong sensual Ones sublimate their “bad” impulses into “good” causes whereas Fourstend to act on their emotional impulses without self-restraint
  • have a habit of noticing what’s wrong in any situation
  • can be controlling


Differing Traits (and Potential Sources of Frustration or Balance)

  • Strive for perfection (Ones) Strive for distinction (Fours)
  • Self-controlled (Ones) Self-expressive (Fours)
  • Suppress feelings (Ones) Express/act on feelings (Fours)
  • Self-sacrificing (Ones) Self-absorbed (Fours)
  • Rational, Steady (Ones) Emotional, Excitable (Fours)
  • Left Brain (Ones) Right Brain (Fours)
  • Objective, Impersonal (Ones) Subjective, Personal (Fours)
  • “I should do …” (Ones) vs. “I want to do this….” (Fours)
  • Self-disciplined (Ones) Self-indulgent (Fours)
  • Structured (Ones) Unstructured (Fours)


Potential Problems

  • Fours have a tendency to act on/dramatize the emotional impulses that Ones have Ones can see Four’s as too moody, emotional, self-absorbed and self-indulgent. Ones can also be critical of Fours need to be special and lack of practical action. Ones can make Fours feel bad, shameful, deficient, rejected and inferior.
  • Fours retaliate by pointing out the flaws in Fours see Ones as unfeeling, emotionally suppressed, rigid, self-righteous, controlling, judgmental, critical and too regimented.
  • Fours long for deep emotional Ones are driven to control their emotions. Blame and withdrawal can result where each feels alienated and estranged.
  • Ones can see Fours as too: self-absorbed, overly sensitive to criticism, inactive, impractical, judgmental, moody, self-indulgent, emotionally intense and needy, temperamental, effete, disdainful of ordinary life, undisciplined, brooding, self-pitying, self-centered, unreliable, and
  • Fours can see Ones as too: critical, judgmental, self-righteous, emotionally inhibited, pleasure-denying,workaholic (no time for the relationship), black-or-white thinking, picky, finicky, overly rule-bound,perfectionistic, and unwilling to accept me just the way I am (always trying to “fix” me).



For Ones

  • Accept Four’s feelings, mood changes and dramatic
  • Be aware that criticism activates Four’s feelings of
  • Fours fear abandonment so may start to push you away if the relationship gets Stay steady if this happens so the Four can trust you won’t abandon him/her.


For Fours

  • Ones may seem critical and judgmental but it’s only because they desperately want to make everything Try to see that when criticized and don’t take it personally.
  • Focus on what’s good rather than what’s missing in your