Enneagram Type One relationship with Enneagram Type Three

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Enneagram Type One with Enneagram Type Two

 

Why the Attraction?

  • This is a common Ones are attracted to the warmth, vivaciousness, friendliness and generous attention given by Twos.
  • Twos are attracted to the obvious strength of character, integrity, honesty, sense of purpose and desire to help people and improve the world of
  • Both are dutiful, responsible and service-oriented and admire that in each They each focus their attention on the needs of others rather than on themselves.
  • Twos are also drawn to the Ones steadiness, conscientiousness, dependability and emotional self-control.
  • Ones are drawn to the Twos nurturance, feeling-orientation, sociability, liveliness, cheerfulness and big-
  • Twos instantly recognize Ones obvious need for more pleasure in their life and Twos are only too happy to help Ones meet that need, with the hope of love, approval and appreciation in return, of
  • Ones are pleased to have someone that helps to soften and warm up their reserve and develop more of a social Twos are pleased to have someone that appreciates them and offers emotional stability and consistency during their moments of emotional turmoil, fear of rejection and/or abandonment.
  • Both are aware of the suffering in the world and share a common vision of alleviating It is not uncommon that this pair first meets at work, in one of the helping professions, or at a social cause – perhaps even in a volunteer capacity.

 

Some Shared Positive Traits

  • Both have high ideals of giving
  • Both can have strong ethical standards
  • Both focus on helping others
  • Both are dutiful and like to be useful
  • Both are service-oriented and humanitarian
  • Both willingly take on responsibilities
  • Both can do a good job of serving each other
  • When healthy, both are mature and independent
  • Both feel as if they know what is best for others

 

Some Shared Negative Traits

  • Both suppress their own needs and desires
  • Both can neglect each other by serving others’ needs first
  • Both have difficulty expressing their own needs directly
  • Ulterior motives and unstated agendas surface if Ones and Twos aren’t getting what they want out of the relationship
  • Ones and Twos won’t admit to themselves they have needs that aren’t being satisfied
  • Both can stay in an unfulfilling relationship – Ones feel divorce is wrong and Twos can be too dependent to leave
  • Asking for what they really want feels selfish

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Differing Traits (and Potential Sources of Frustration or Balance)

  • In service of principles then people (Ones) In service of people then principles (Twos)
  • Do the right thing (Ones) Do the merciful thing (Twos)
  • Rational and Critical (Ones) Emotional and Flattering (Twos)
  • Work-oriented (Ones) Relationship-oriented (Twos)
  • Like autonomy (Ones) Like merging (Twos)
  • Restrained in expressing positive feelings (Ones) Unrestrained in expressing positive feelings (Twos)
  • See the flaws in people to be “fixed” (Ones) See the beauty in people to be loved (Twos)

 

Potential Problems

  • Twos can see Ones as unemotional, inflexible, judgmental workaholics who don’t make time for the relationship, for socializing or for Ones can see Twos as overly helpful, intrusive, emotionally needy and dependent. Ones can be repulsed by Twos giving to get, manipulation, people-pleasing, hedonism and “doormat” qualities.
  • Twos often give advice as a way to Unfortunately, Ones often take Two’s advice as criticism, get defensive and counter with criticism. Ones can see Twos as emotionally unstable. Ones can make Twos feel that they seldom get anything right. All of this causes Twos to feel rejected, unappreciated, taken for granted, inferior and alienated.
  • Ones can see Twos as too: intrusive, needy, dependent, emotionally manipulative, possessive, prideful, in need of constant attention and unable to be alone, hovering, unnecessarily helpful and advice giving, unable to attend to own needs, meddlesome, pleasure-seeking and having poor
  • Twos can see Ones as too: emotionally inhibited, moralistic, workaholic, judgmental, resentful, suppressed, critical, inflexible, unappreciative, easily upset when things down go as they expected, hard on themselves, worrisome, pleasure-denying, narrow-minded, rigid, and unable to

 

Advice

For Ones

  • Show sincere appreciation when Twos try to help, even if you think they’re over-helping. Twos just want to be
  • Spend time with your Two and make time for
  • Express positive Twos like hearing they’re loved.

 

For Twos

  • Develop your independence and nurture your own
  • Ones feel personally They suppress anger by working hard. Understand that they’re not rejecting you.
  • Practice emotional steadiness when dealing with
  • Practice asking for what you need

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Enneagram Type One with Enneagram Type Three

 

Why the Attraction?

  • This is a fairly common Ones and Threes are initially attracted to each other because they admireeach other’s hard work ethic and desire to be the best at what they do. This is a high-energy, work-orientedand task-focused kind of relationship.
  • Both value competency, productivity, self-discipline, goal achievement and time Each admires theother’s successes and continual pursuit of excellence, both professionally and personally. Ones and Threesare very concerned about what others think of them so both strive to make their partner proud of them, andthey usually do.
  • Ones and Threes have very similar lifestyle They’re both good at planning, managing their time andorganizing the details of their lives. Each is responsible and dependable. While both are respectful, neither is sentimental. In fact, they relate with each other more through shared activities and work-related conversationsthan through hanging out, sharing intimate feelings and deep, emotionally-bonding conversations.
  • Ones and Threes are pragmatic, grounded and can count on each other to take care of their fair share of Unlike some types, Ones and Threes deal exceptionally well with the physical, material world and value that about each other.
  • Both need their own personal space in the relationship and are happy to give it to each

 

Some Shared Positive Traits

  • Both are highly competent, self-disciplined, strong-willed, hard-working, task-oriented and goal-oriented
  • Both strive to do their best and won’t settle for mediocrity
  • Both solve problems in an objective, reasonable, logical way
  • Both are usually successful and accomplished in their work
  • Both can take on great responsibility and leadership positions
  • Both are interested in constant self-improvement
  • Both present themselves well; they’re polite and well-mannered
  • Both are time conscious; good at planning and organizing
  • Both are responsible, self-reliant and independent
  • Both are resolute to have their life make a difference

 

Some Shared Negative Traits

  • Both push themselves hard and have a fear of not measuring up to their own high expectations
  • Both can get so caught up with their work that they don’t make time for each other
  • Both can suppress their feelings and not want to deal with emotional/intimacy problems
  • Both can become workaholics when relationship issues come up that neither wants to deal with

 

Differing Traits (and Potential Sources of Frustration or Balance)

  • Strive for perfection (Ones) Strive for success (Threes)
  • Adhere to the truth (Ones) Soften the truth (Threes)
  • Self-critical (Ones) Self-loving (narcissistic) (Threes)
  • Unpretentious (Ones) Can be pretentious (Threes)

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  • Want to look “right” (Ones) Want to look good (Threes)
  • Never cut corners (Ones) Can cut corners (Threes)
  • Hold onto grievances (Ones) Don’t hold onto grievances (Threes)
  • Principle-centered (Ones) Reputation-centered (Threes)
  • Rigid, Methodical (Ones) Flexible, Adaptable (Threes)
  • Detail-oriented (Ones) Results-oriented (Threes)

 

Potential Problems

  • Threes like to play to the crowd for attention and can alter their public façade to suit the Ones are repulsed by the Threes altering of self-presentation to look good. Threes presentation of a false image to others causes Ones to doubt Threes honesty and integrity in the relationship also.
  • Threes get frustrated and impatient with Ones nit-picking, morality and “goody-two-shoes”
  • Threes like positive attention so Ones criticality and perfectionism can grate on the
  • Ones pursue when Threes retreat when their image is attacked.
  • Ones and Threes can be overly competitive with each
  • Both can “hide out” in their work to avoid relationship
  • Both types can avoid dealing with
  • Ones can see Threes as too: willing to cut corners in the quality of their work, impatient with details, image- conscious, desirous of personal recognition, hasty and impatient, shape-shifting and adapting their self- presentation to get approval, dishonest, unwilling to acknowledge their faults, smooth-talking and polished, needing to impress, cold and calculating, and
  • Threes can see Ones as too: critical of how they do things, rule-bound, perfectionistic, picky about minor details, rigid and tense, out of touch with their own desires/wants, frustrated and dissatisfied with others, life and themselves, afraid of making a mistake, self-righteous, fastidious and anal

 

Advice

For Ones

  • Threes need positive attention and Their social façade doesn’t necessarily mean they aredishonest.
  • Be more flexible and less rigid about details.
  • Don’t bring up “sins from the ” Threes dislike that.
  • Make time for the relationship, pleasure and

 

For Threes

  • Learn to see yourself as separate from your
  • Ones admire honesty so work on honest self-disclosure.
  • Work on developing emotional depth in yourself rather than needing emotional approval from
  • Make time for the relationship and
  • Moderate your pace and develop self-reflection.

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