Enneagram Type One relationship with Enneagram Type Two

Enneagram Type One with Enneagram Type Two

Why the Attraction?
• This is a common pairing. Ones are attracted to the warmth, vivaciousness, friendliness and generous
attention given by Twos.
• Twos are attracted to the obvious strength of character, integrity, honesty, sense of purpose and desire to help
people and improve the world of Ones.
• Both are dutiful, responsible and service-oriented and admire that in each other. They each focus their
attention on the needs of others rather than on themselves.
• Twos are also drawn to the Ones steadiness, conscientiousness, dependability and emotional self-control.
• Ones are drawn to the Twos nurturance, feeling-orientation, sociability, liveliness, cheerfulness and bigheartedness.

• Twos instantly recognize Ones obvious need for more pleasure in their life and Twos are only too happy to
help Ones meet that need, with the hope of love, approval and appreciation in return, of course.
• Ones are pleased to have someone that helps to soften and warm up their reserve and develop more of a
social life. Twos are pleased to have someone that appreciates them and offers emotional stability and
consistency during their moments of emotional turmoil, fear of rejection and/or abandonment.
• Both are aware of the suffering in the world and share a common vision of alleviating it. It is not uncommon
that this pair first meets at work, in one of the helping professions, or at a social cause – perhaps even in a
volunteer capacity.

Some Shared Positive Traits
• Both have high ideals of giving
• Both can have strong ethical standards
• Both focus on helping others
• Both are dutiful and like to be useful
• Both are service-oriented and humanitarian
• Both willingly take on responsibilities
• Both can do a good job of serving each other
• When healthy, both are mature and independent
• Both feel as if they know what is best for others

Some Shared Negative Traits
• Both suppress their own needs and desires
• Both can neglect each other by serving others’ needs first
• Both have difficulty expressing their own needs directly
• Ulterior motives and unstated agendas surface if Ones and Twos aren’t getting what they want out of the
relationship
• Ones and Twos won’t admit to themselves they have needs that aren’t being satisfied
• Both can stay in an unfulfilling relationship – Ones feel divorce is wrong and Twos can be too dependent to
leave
• Asking for what they really want feels selfish

Differing Traits (and Potential Sources of Frustration or Balance)
• In service of principles then people (Ones) vs. In service of people then principles (Twos)
• Do the right thing (Ones) vs. Do the merciful thing (Twos)
• Rational and Critical (Ones) vs. Emotional and Flattering (Twos)
• Work-oriented (Ones) vs. Relationship-oriented (Twos)
• Like autonomy (Ones) vs. Like merging (Twos)
• Restrained in expressing positive feelings (Ones) vs. Unrestrained in expressing positive feelings (Twos)
• See the flaws in people to be “fixed” (Ones) vs. See the beauty in people to be loved (Twos)

Potential Problems
• Twos can see Ones as unemotional, inflexible, judgmental workaholics who don’t make time for the
relationship, for socializing or for fun. Ones can see Twos as overly helpful, intrusive, emotionally needy
and dependent. Ones can be repulsed by Twos giving to get, manipulation, people-pleasing, hedonism and
“doormat” qualities.
• Twos often give advice as a way to help. Unfortunately, Ones often take Two’s advice as criticism, get
defensive and counter with criticism. Ones can see Twos as emotionally unstable. Ones can make Twos feel
that they seldom get anything right. All of this causes Twos to feel rejected, unappreciated, taken for
granted, inferior and alienated.
• Ones can see Twos as too: intrusive, needy, dependent, emotionally manipulative, possessive, prideful, in
need of constant attention and unable to be alone, hovering, unnecessarily helpful and advice giving, unable
to attend to own needs, meddlesome, pleasure-seeking and having poor boundaries.
• Twos can see Ones as too: emotionally inhibited, moralistic, workaholic, judgmental, resentful, suppressed,
critical, inflexible, unappreciative, easily upset when things down go as they expected, hard on themselves,
worrisome, pleasure-denying, narrow-minded, rigid, and unable to relax.

Advice

For Ones
• Show sincere appreciation when Twos try to help, even if you think they’re over-helping. Twos just want to
be loved.
• Spend time with your Two and make time for fun.
• Express positive feelings. Twos like hearing they’re loved.

For Twos
• Develop your independence and nurture your own needs.
• Ones feel personally obligated. They suppress anger by working hard. Understand that they’re not rejecting
you.
• Practice emotional steadiness when dealing with Ones.
• Practice asking for what you need directly.

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