- Notice how easily your attention goes out to sensing needs of special others and your
associated feelings of pride and self-importance in being able to meet those needs.
Unfortunately, pride prevents you from admitting to yourself that you have real needs too.
- Notice how much you crave love, approval, appreciation and attention when you give.
Practice being a “disinterested altruist” and give for the pure joy of giving.
- Realize that denying your own needs to provide for others and altering your personality to get
someone to like you are self-defeating behaviors. Being loved does not depend on changing
yourself for others or denying your own needs.
- Practice spending time alone, developing independent activities and bringing your attention
back in to yourself. Notice the anxiety it causes and the desire to focus out again.
- Tell people what you need, and learn to enjoy receiving without feeling the need to give back.
- Use anger and rising distress as signals that you are not meeting your own needs.
- Constantly ask yourself, “what do I really want, what really is important to me (recognizing
this may produce anxiety).”
- Notice your own achievements and innate self-worth.
- Practice setting limits and boundaries by saying no to requests from others, when appropriate.
- Notice when your helpfulness may seem intrusive or controlling to others.