Living Happily in our World as an INTP

The problems that INTP’s have with regards to fitting into our world are not usually related to platonic friendships. Usually, the INTP has trouble finding and maintaining a love relationship. The INTP usually has relatively simple needs and expectations from their mates, and they’re surprised and confused to find that their mates have more complex demands. They don’t understand their mate’s needs, and may feel inadequate to meeting them. They get very uncomfortable with a situation as they perceive that they are expected to do something that it unknown to them. They back away from the relationship. They generally mask their fear and discomfort by reducing the importance of the relationship to themselves and others, or by putting the failure off onto the ridiculous expectations of their ex-mate. Outside of a relationship, they feel more unloved and unappreciated, but are afraid to commit to a relationship because they fear rejection and hurt.


Most INTP’s experience relationship difficulties at some point in their lives. The INTP with a well-developed Extraverted Intuition will find relationships more satisfying and easier to deal with. Accordingly, we offer some general suggestions for dealing with relationships, as well as some advice that will help the INTP develop their Extraverted Intuition.


Specific suggestions:

Figure out how you feel about the other person. Do not falsely express love, or lead someone on with your ambivalence.


Don’t expect yourself to be a master at the “touchy-feely” game. Be yourself, but remember that there is a basic assumption of human decency that must be adhered to in relationships. If you’re not sure what that means, take special care to observe how people in “good” committed relationships behave towards each other, so that you can determine where the lines are drawn.


Pair yourself with an Extraverted Thinker (ESTJ or ENTJ) who is less likely to assume that the lack of feedback is the same thing as negative feedback.


Realize and accept that for you a satisfying relationship will start with the head, and move on towards the heart.



Expanding your world and experiences will expand your understanding of human expectations. Try to figure out the personality type of people that you know and encounter in your life.


Take care to notice what people look like in different social situations. Notice their hair, makeup (or lack thereof), the condition of their clothes, their shoes, their facial expressions. Don’t compare others to your own appearance, simply take notice of it.


When having a conversation with a friend or relative, spend at least half of the time talking about them. Concentrate on really understanding where the person is coming from with their concerns. Ask questions.


Think of the people who are closest to you. Remember that they have their own lives going on. Try to visualize what that person is doing, and imagine what kinds of things that person is thinking about. Don’t pass judgment, just think about it.