Living Happily in our World as an ESFJ

Some ESFJ’s have difficulty fitting into our society. Their problems are often a result of an inability understand the connections and relationships necessary to each situation, a too conventional and dogmatic set of values which limits the way others can relate to them, or an unrealistic and illogical view of the  world. These issues mostly stem from using Introverted Sensation in a diminished manner: the lack of a strong internally focused viewpoint allowing an often ambiguous and yet strongly defended set of values to control the personality. An ESFJ who attempts to envision a more accurate and impartial view of the world for the sake of understanding the ways of others, rather than quickly deciding how things alone affect them, will have a clearer, more objective understanding of how society is dependant not only upon adherence to values and care for others, but also how the world relies upon structure and laws which function regardless of their human value. He or she will also be more comfortable and less likely to demand that the world and the behavior of others conform to values of right and wrong, good and bad, worthy and worthless etc. Such well-adjusted ESFJ’s will fit happily into our society.


Unless you really understand Psychological Type and the nuances of the various personality functions, it’s a difficult task to suddenly start to use Sensation in an unambiguous and totally introverted direction. It’s difficult to even understand what that means, much less to incorporate that directive into your life. With    that in mind, I am providing some specific suggestions that may help you to begin exercising your Introverted Sensation more fully:


Take care to try and discover how others see things. Try to notice the connections they make between ideas and objects. Don’t immediately compare your own vision of things to theirs; simply accept that for them   the world fits together in a valid way.


Think of those times and situations in your life when you felt misunderstood or disregarded by others. Now try to understand how one or two other people would see the situation. Don’t try to assume they would  judge as you do: “she would have to feel the same way if that happened to her”, or “he would change his tune if he saw things from my point of view”. Rather, try to understand how they would truly see the situation. Would they analyze it through a code of values, or see it as an opportunity to grasp a wider perspective in which a solution can be found? Would it affect them personally or would they view it impartially? Try to determine their point of view without passing judgment or comparing it to your own.


When having a conversation with a friend or relative, dedicate at least half of your time to finding out how the other person sees the world around them. Concentrate on really sensing the relationships within what they describe. Tell them how you see the world and compare. Ask questions about why things seem so to them.


Think of the people who are closest to you. As you think of each person, tell yourself “this person has their own life going on, and they are more concerned with their own life than they are with mine.” Remember that this doesn’t mean that they don’t care about you. It’s the natural order of things. Try to visualize what


that person is seeing right now. What connections are they making or enacting, what thoughts are they having? Don’t pass judgment, or compare their situation to your own.


Try to identify the personality type of everyone that you come into contact with for any length of time.