Enneagram Type #9 Sexual Subtype

Can resemble 4s at times because they often romanticize and idealize their partner, long for love
when without a partner, can be melancholic, and yearn for deep intimacy, even oneness, with
their partner.

Positive/Enhancing:

• Are passionate about life
• They foster a sense of unity and deep connection with people they are close to (like their
partner, parents, children, friends, pets, etc.), and for some their spiritual teacher or even
All That Is
• They are easily influenced by the people around them so they like to make people happy
so that they can stay happy (and avoid any kind of conflict)

Negative/Depleting:

• It is easy for them to “lose themselves” in their partner because tension dissolves when
they do
• Since Sexual 9s can feel lost without a partner, they believe they find their personal
identity by merging their life with their partner’s; “my life” becomes “our life,” but at the
cost of their independence
• By focusing so much of their energy on their partner they conveniently forget about
themselves and don’t have to worry about dealing with their repressed anger, anxiety or
other instinctive energies
• They can lack a strong, unchanging sense of self and often live vicariously through others
• Easily swayed by other people, some Sexual 9s don’t take responsibility for their own
choices and blame their partner or other people when things go wrong
• They can long for the ideal romantic union with a partner
• Easily get depressed and feel disillusioned when relationship problems come up
• They hate their partner making demands of them and will often be stubborn as a mule, or
withdraw silently, or go along with the request outwardly to avoid conflict but inwardly be
annoyed/mad
• Are attracted to a strong, decisive, assertive partner that makes them feel more alive and
secure but don’t like it when their assertive partner is impatient or aggressive with them
• They sometimes have inner tension between wanting to merge vs. wanting to keep their
autonomy
• They would sometimes like to be more independent and get in touch with their true
desires and vitality
• At worst, they can feel alone, lost, dissociated from others and themselves

 

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